Walking with Jesus

I have been going through a lot of spiritual transitions over the past year. Last year was very difficult for me and only through the summer did I start to feel "normal" again. Recently, God has been working in me through the college Sunday school group at Mission, and I now feel that I am in a place where I can put this working into words.

We wen tthrough a unit talking about the passages surrounding Jesus walking on water in Mark. The passage immeidately before walking on water is that of the feeding the 5000. The disciples are grumpy during this miracle because they thought they were going to have a rest. Jesus performs the miracle and there are 12 baskets of food left over. They then get in the boat and are supposed to go to Bethsaida. It is while they are on the lake that they see Jesus walking on water. They don't recognize him and are afraid. Jesus had meant to pass by them, but since they are afraid, he gets in the boat and they don't end up at Bethsaida. The next passage is feeding the 4000. This time there are 7 baskets left over. Again afterwards they get in the boat, and the disciples have a conversation about not having any bread. They reach Bethsaida, and Jesus performs the miracle of healing the blind man where at first he says he sees people but they look like trees.

Discussion with the group is where things really fall into place for application. The disciples missed the whole point of the feeding of the 5000. Jesus can provide everything a person needs in abundance. This is even demonstrated by the fact that there was a basket left over for each disciple. He wants them to understand that he, as God, provides for them. But they don't get this, which is why they are terrified when they see him on the water and don't make it to Bethsaida. Jesus does the feeding of the 4000 to try to tell them again. This time the 7 baskets symbolize completion and wholeness. It seems that the disciples still don't quite get it, because they complain about not having bread. There is more conversation int eh boat that we don't know about, but Jesus must decide that they are ready for Bethsaida, because that's where they end up. With the blind man, Jesus makes it a point that it isn't enough for him to see, but not see clearly. Jesus wants him to see everything in perfect detail as it is.

So, summary of application, God can and wants to be our provider. He provides abundantly for us both with physical and spiritual needs. When he teaches us something, he doesn't give up if we don't get it the first time. He works to show it to us in different ways so we understand and learn more about him. And even when we think we see something (like the blind man seeing people as trees), he keeps working to make it perfectly clear for us. There is always something new for us to discover about God.

Now personal application to my journey. The trips int he boat that the disciples and Jesus mke made me think about the Footprints poem. Graduating from Biola, Jesus and I were walking along the shoreline together. Then grad school and roommate issues hit, and I feel flat on my face. I spent quite a while lying face down in the sand. At first I cried out and began to reach for God, but the pain overwhelmed me, and very quickly i dropped my hand and resigned myself to lie there. I felt alone and abandoned and felt as if I were drifting from God. As soon as I realized this consciously, I reached out to God and he picked me up. Throughout the summer he carried me, and I clung to him. I was terrified of falling on my face again. At the same time, I felt ashamed that I wasn't walking, simply being carried. But the suppor tof others, and God's reassurance made me understand that it is ok to let yourslef be carried for a time.

Now, entering year 2 of grad school, and with a better elader of college group, I feel ready to walk on my own feet again. I am stillleaning heavily on God, but this is a good thing. He is more than able to support me and provide for me. And I realize now, tha tthough I was walking on my own, yet next to Jesus, when I graduate drom Biola, I believed that I had learned everything about him.

I see now that I am only seeing trees when I want to see people.

I pray that he continues to show me more and more of his character as I walk with him.