I am 11 days away from graduation...
This sentence brings excitement, sadness, relief, anticipation, fear, happiness, and a whole lot more emotions that I have to yet to pinpoint.
I am most certainly ready for the semester to be over, and I am very excited that my degree is almost complete. But I feel nowhere near ready to leave Biola.
Not that I don't feel prepared for grad school or the world, or real life..ok, so I don't feel prepared for real life yet, but the other two are fine. I just can't believe I'm leaving this community. The friendships I've made here are so much deeper than the majority of the ones I had in high school. A part of me is afraid that I'll fall out of touch with people like I did with almost everyone from high school. I have a feeling that won't be as much of a problem though. I have kept in pretty good touch with my Biola friends during the summers.
In any case, ready or not, here graduation comes. One week from today I will be done with my academic work. I had my last clinic session yesterday, definitely bittersweet.
For my personal enjoyment, here's what I have left for the semester.
Clinic
putting together my client's file
final eval with Tonya
Theo of Suffering and Disability
NOTHING!!! (finished yesterday morning =D)
Neurogenic Comm Disorders
Dysarthria case study (due by email tomorrow)
Spanish Lit
El Camino paper (due Thurs)
final (Tues at 1)
Capstone
NOTHING!!!! (I did my presentation and turned in my paper on the 1st)
attend class Friday
attend to finish research study for Matt next Friday
Symphonic Winds
student conductors Friday
graduation music Monday
BANQUET!!!! (next Wednesday)
graduate graduation next Friday
Romania rehearsal Sunday morning
ROMANIA!!!!! (May 24th - June 4th)
I also have a ton of fun senior/end of the year type activities interspursed with all that too
I can do this!
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Thursday, May 7, 2009
After the Storm
One week ago I was completely and entirely miserable. Thank goodness that is not the case tonight. I've been fighting with myself all week. Trying to deal with things, but not having the time to sit in the pain of all of it. It didn't help matters that in closing off the wound before it healed, I started pushing Tad away. I don't know where I would have been this week without him being so supportive. He really is amazing, supporting, accepting, and loving, even when I'm a complete emotional wreck.
I was able to start sorting things out in group last night. It was pointed out to me several times that I have been holding all the pain inside, pretending it isn't there. Later, while on the phone with Tad, I suddenly came to realize something he already knew, but I hadn't seen. I've been really, REALLY angry with my mom about this. not just in the last week, since at least Thanksgiving. That's why every time it's come up,I've exploded. Tad recommended I talk to my mom about it. So, with quite a lot of effort on my part, I brought it up again today.
We had a really good conversation. Nobody freaked out or yelled or got upset. She listened to what I had to say, and said she'd be willing to reconsider things. The downside is it looks for sure like Tad and I will be long distance for one more year, but I'm willing to wait.
In other news, I played my last Symphonic Winds concert on Saturday (not counting graduate graduation, Pomp & Circumstance doesn't count). It was a great concert, possibly my favorite of the 4 years. Becky did my hair really cute, curled with a bow like Shirley Temple. My parents brought me Berry Cool beforehand, and gave me flowers after. It's a beautiful bouquet, all different colors of gerber daisies, mums, and bright orange lilies.
Sunday was the disability event for theo of suffering and disability. We went to Redlands (which is rather far) to a Sunday School class designed for individuals with intellectual disabilities. It was a lot of fun. I can't get enough of working with people with disabilities, which makes it a good thing I'm majoring in a related field :o). Soon after getting back on campus from that I went with a bunch of people from the Romania team to a Romanian church service. The service was for the most part in Romanian, but some of the youth translated for us, pretty cool. I'm so stoked for the trip.
I think that's about it, other than some pretty fun times in the caf Tues for cinco de mayo, they had a lie mariachi band =D. Thanks everybody for the prayers, I really appreciate it :)
I was able to start sorting things out in group last night. It was pointed out to me several times that I have been holding all the pain inside, pretending it isn't there. Later, while on the phone with Tad, I suddenly came to realize something he already knew, but I hadn't seen. I've been really, REALLY angry with my mom about this. not just in the last week, since at least Thanksgiving. That's why every time it's come up,I've exploded. Tad recommended I talk to my mom about it. So, with quite a lot of effort on my part, I brought it up again today.
We had a really good conversation. Nobody freaked out or yelled or got upset. She listened to what I had to say, and said she'd be willing to reconsider things. The downside is it looks for sure like Tad and I will be long distance for one more year, but I'm willing to wait.
In other news, I played my last Symphonic Winds concert on Saturday (not counting graduate graduation, Pomp & Circumstance doesn't count). It was a great concert, possibly my favorite of the 4 years. Becky did my hair really cute, curled with a bow like Shirley Temple. My parents brought me Berry Cool beforehand, and gave me flowers after. It's a beautiful bouquet, all different colors of gerber daisies, mums, and bright orange lilies.
Sunday was the disability event for theo of suffering and disability. We went to Redlands (which is rather far) to a Sunday School class designed for individuals with intellectual disabilities. It was a lot of fun. I can't get enough of working with people with disabilities, which makes it a good thing I'm majoring in a related field :o). Soon after getting back on campus from that I went with a bunch of people from the Romania team to a Romanian church service. The service was for the most part in Romanian, but some of the youth translated for us, pretty cool. I'm so stoked for the trip.
I think that's about it, other than some pretty fun times in the caf Tues for cinco de mayo, they had a lie mariachi band =D. Thanks everybody for the prayers, I really appreciate it :)
Friday, May 1, 2009
Never Pray for Patience
God will teach it to you, in more ways than you thought were even possible. I never even prayed for it and I feel like I'm being given more than enough practice. Set back after set back, God is still sovereign. But in our human brokenness, that doesn't make things easier.
I had an incredibly stressful and emotionally taxing day yesterday involving 3 different parents and 1 boyfriend. By the time I went to bed at 3:30 (yes am) after finishing my capstone presentation (which thankfully went fairly smoothly, and thus means I am DONE with that class) I felt like I had been run over by a semi truck.
Even amidst all of this, I know I was still being taken care of. I had a phone call from an encouraging and loving grandmother, a call from a sensitive, understanding, and reassuring father, and a trip to Cheesecake Factory with the girls (a belated birthday celebration for Amanda). Still, I'm dead tired today, and definitely still hurting.
Continued prayers for guidance and the ability to finish the semester despite drama are appreciated.
with my *amazing* tuxedo cheesecake
Not Meant To Be
Theory of a Deadman
*words adapted by me*
It's never enough to say I'm happy
It's never enough he says he cares
But I'm caught between what you
Want from me, and knowing
If I give that to ya
I might just disappear.
Nobody wins when everyone's losing
Oh, it's like
One step forward and two steps back
No matter what I do you're always mad
And I can't change your mind,
Oh, it's like
Trying to turn around on a one way street
I can't give you what you want
And it's killing me and I, I'm starting to see
You'll never think we're meant to be
It's never enough he says he loves me
No, it's never enough to say he tries
It's hard to believe that's there's
No compromise for you and me
And it seems to be,
The story of my life
Nobody wins when everyone's losing
It's like one step forward and two steps back
No matter what I do you're always mad
And I can't change your mind, oh
It's like trying to turn around on a
One way street. I can't give
You what you want and it's killing me
And I, I'm starting to see
You'll never think we're meant to be
There's still time to turn this around
Should you be building us up
Instead of tearing us down
But I keep thinking
Maybe there's no point.
It's like one step forward
And two steps back,
No matter what I do
You're always mad
And I, can't change your mind, oh
It's like tryin to turn around
On a one way street
I can't give you what you want
And it's killing me and I,
I finally see,
You'll never be happy with me.
It's like one step forward,
And two steps back,
No matter what I do
You're always mad,
And I, Mama I'm sorry to see,
You're just not happy with me.
I had an incredibly stressful and emotionally taxing day yesterday involving 3 different parents and 1 boyfriend. By the time I went to bed at 3:30 (yes am) after finishing my capstone presentation (which thankfully went fairly smoothly, and thus means I am DONE with that class) I felt like I had been run over by a semi truck.
Even amidst all of this, I know I was still being taken care of. I had a phone call from an encouraging and loving grandmother, a call from a sensitive, understanding, and reassuring father, and a trip to Cheesecake Factory with the girls (a belated birthday celebration for Amanda). Still, I'm dead tired today, and definitely still hurting.
Continued prayers for guidance and the ability to finish the semester despite drama are appreciated.
with my *amazing* tuxedo cheesecakeNot Meant To Be
Theory of a Deadman
*words adapted by me*
It's never enough to say I'm happy
It's never enough he says he cares
But I'm caught between what you
Want from me, and knowing
If I give that to ya
I might just disappear.
Nobody wins when everyone's losing
Oh, it's like
One step forward and two steps back
No matter what I do you're always mad
And I can't change your mind,
Oh, it's like
Trying to turn around on a one way street
I can't give you what you want
And it's killing me and I, I'm starting to see
You'll never think we're meant to be
It's never enough he says he loves me
No, it's never enough to say he tries
It's hard to believe that's there's
No compromise for you and me
And it seems to be,
The story of my life
Nobody wins when everyone's losing
It's like one step forward and two steps back
No matter what I do you're always mad
And I can't change your mind, oh
It's like trying to turn around on a
One way street. I can't give
You what you want and it's killing me
And I, I'm starting to see
You'll never think we're meant to be
There's still time to turn this around
Should you be building us up
Instead of tearing us down
But I keep thinking
Maybe there's no point.
It's like one step forward
And two steps back,
No matter what I do
You're always mad
And I, can't change your mind, oh
It's like tryin to turn around
On a one way street
I can't give you what you want
And it's killing me and I,
I finally see,
You'll never be happy with me.
It's like one step forward,
And two steps back,
No matter what I do
You're always mad,
And I, Mama I'm sorry to see,
You're just not happy with me.
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