My stats class ended Friday, and I was pleasantly surprised Sunday to discover I got 100% on my final. This pushed my grade from an A- to an A. I got an A in a math class, that hasn't happened since Prealgebra in middle school. What's strange (at least at first appearance) is I got a C in my high school stats class. What made the difference for me the second time around? My professor.
I had an extremely hard time learning in my stats class in high school. Our teacher would present the section, do a problem, and leave us to figure out the rest. I remember several days when we didn't talk about any math all at. Going into my interterm class, all I remembered from statistics was the existence of random number tables, and what standard deviations were. My Biola prof very carefully explained step by step the pieces needed to understand each topic in the class. Lots of review of concepts just talked about, and lots of practice in class.
As the course progressed, I began remembering more from my high school class: looking at various tables and having absolutely no idea what they were, what the columns meant, or what on earth I was supposed to do with them. I should not have passed stats the first time. The sad thing is that it wasn't my fault, at least not entirely. I struggled trying to get help with the material, but I became so lost so early on, it would have been a lot of work on both parts to get me caught up. After a while I simply gave up.
I am very thankful that I took statistics again. I actually kind of liked the subject. When explained well it makes good sense. You can't imagine how much better I feel about myself knowing that I am capable of learning math beyond geometry and algebra. Do I plan on taking any more math classes? no, but I at least feel now like I could if I wanted to.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
A Little Slice of Happiness
I was fortunate enough to get to spend the last almost-week with Tad. I didn't even actually know he was coming until a week before last Saturday. I quickly found a place for him to stay and a ride to get him from the airport. He took an early (as in take off at 6:30 am) flight in, and I got him from the airport around 1 pm. We got some food from Burger King on the way back to campus, Tad put his stuff in the room he was staying in, and then we cuddled in the lobby until my friend Diana came to hang out with us.
Tad had met Diana briefly the last time he was here (in November), and she had wanted to hang out while he was here. It took us a bit to think of what to do, but we finally decided a Berry Cool run was in order. Krista was around, so I asked her to come with us too. While she got ready Tad and I tought Diana how to play Go Fish. We hung out at Berry Cool for a while and then came back to campus in time for dinner. I'm pretty sure Krista and I created two new Berry Cool fans.
Having finished our frozen yogurt, we returned to campus in time for dinner. Yes, really...it was a light one. Tad and I spent the remainder of the evening hanging out and watching UHF, a very interesting movie :o)
My ride for church on Sunday rode her bike, but was nice enough to let Tad drive her car. After the service we stopped by Stater Bros for some groceries and then got lunch. We spent the afternoon watching Serenity and two discs worth of Tsubasa Chronicles. I love that anime; it has a really good story, good animation, good music, and a major theme is what people do for those they love.
We had a quick dinner in the caf and then met up with Christine to hang out. It would seem we are a rather indecisive bunch, and couldn't figure out what to do. We eventually went to downtown Brea and the Brea mall, but sadly both were mostly closed down by the time we got there. Christine suggested getting some dessert from a place called Mochilatto. It's gelatto in mochi (a Japanese rice cake type thing, it's really good, I recommend it) We hung out there and then walked around Barne's & Nobles for a bit.
I didn't have class Monday because of Martin Luther King Day (huzzah!) so Tad and I got another full day to do with as we pleased. We spent a couple hours after lunch sitting and talking in the new Olive Grove park on campus. It isn't a big area, but it's pretty and a good place to just enjoy each other's company. Valencia enjoyed getting to watch the ducks and squirrels.
Back in Hart, after a few more episodes of Tsubasa, we started making dinner. Hart over interterm does "family dinners" where people take turns making dinner for everybody. I signed Tad and myself up so we could do it together. We made stroganoff, and it was pretty tasty. After dinner, Amanda, Krista, Tad, and I wandered over to the Stewart lobby and found some games. We played a game of Disney trivia (which I won!)
I had class again Tuesday morning, so Tad met me for lunch at the caf. I was in need of a bank run so we made the trek to the Albertson's center. Once banking stuff was taken care of, we shared a carmel frap from Starbucks and walked back. I worked on homework in the lobby while Tad did stuff on his computer. We had dinner and then watched Bourne Identity. Wednesday followed the same pattern, with Bourne Supremacy replacing Identity. And we rounded out our week with Bourne Ultimatum and a final Berry Cool trip (requested by Tad) on our way to the airport.
It was a great visit, one of my favorites (if not *the* favorite) that we've had. I definitely miss him now, and have been feeling a bit lonely without his company, but I'll see him again in less than two months for Missions Conference :)
Now to finish studying for my stats final tomorrow...
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Valencia Moments
Two of my favorite Valencia moments from this week.
Story #1
Yesterday on break from class I was peeling an orange in the bathroom with Valencia sitting next to me. The trashcan (over which I was peeling my snack) was right next a full length mirror. As I'm about halfway through, I look down at Valencia in time to see her thoroughly sniff herself in the mirror, trying to figure out who this other "dog" is. Having failed to discover anything through sniffing, she licks the reflection of her face, and then looks at me as if to say "I don't think that's a real dog." I love how she communicates with me, it's priceless.
Story #2
Upon returning from class this afternoon, I put my stuff down in the room and went down the hall to the bathroom. A few minutes later as I am walking back to my room, I hear noises that kind of sound like eating. "What's that?" I wonder to myself, and walk into my room again. I look around to see what Valencia's doing, and discover that she has her head in the trash can and is very contentedly licking or chewing something.
"Valencia!" I exclaim in shock "no, bad!" At the sound of her name, Valencia whirls around to face me with "guilty" written all of her adorable little face and hangs her head. "What on earth was she after in the trash?" I wonder, considering she's never paid any attention to our trash can before. I bend down to check if she has anything left in her mouth. When I finally get it open, there's nothing left in it, except a very strong scent of peanut butter.
This morning after putting peanut butter on my toast, I threw out the plastic knife. Apparently my dog has a true weakness for peanut butter. "That was naughty," I say to her. She looks at me, and then slowly walks over to her bed and lies down with an "I'm a bad girl" look on her face. I then remembered I needed to wash her bed today, so I make her get off of it, pick it up, and on my way out the door say "stay here and be a good girl." At this she lies down where her bed had been, appearing to be thinking "I'm a bad girl, I don't get my bed anymore." The poor thing.
When I came back from the laundry room, but became very excited when I told her that this time she had been a good girl. I put down my pool towel in place of her bed for the time being and we played fetch with her bone. All seems to have been forgotten now, and to just to be safe, I moved the peanut butter knife to the bathroom trashcan.
I love my puppy :)
Story #1
Yesterday on break from class I was peeling an orange in the bathroom with Valencia sitting next to me. The trashcan (over which I was peeling my snack) was right next a full length mirror. As I'm about halfway through, I look down at Valencia in time to see her thoroughly sniff herself in the mirror, trying to figure out who this other "dog" is. Having failed to discover anything through sniffing, she licks the reflection of her face, and then looks at me as if to say "I don't think that's a real dog." I love how she communicates with me, it's priceless.
Story #2
Upon returning from class this afternoon, I put my stuff down in the room and went down the hall to the bathroom. A few minutes later as I am walking back to my room, I hear noises that kind of sound like eating. "What's that?" I wonder to myself, and walk into my room again. I look around to see what Valencia's doing, and discover that she has her head in the trash can and is very contentedly licking or chewing something.
"Valencia!" I exclaim in shock "no, bad!" At the sound of her name, Valencia whirls around to face me with "guilty" written all of her adorable little face and hangs her head. "What on earth was she after in the trash?" I wonder, considering she's never paid any attention to our trash can before. I bend down to check if she has anything left in her mouth. When I finally get it open, there's nothing left in it, except a very strong scent of peanut butter.
This morning after putting peanut butter on my toast, I threw out the plastic knife. Apparently my dog has a true weakness for peanut butter. "That was naughty," I say to her. She looks at me, and then slowly walks over to her bed and lies down with an "I'm a bad girl" look on her face. I then remembered I needed to wash her bed today, so I make her get off of it, pick it up, and on my way out the door say "stay here and be a good girl." At this she lies down where her bed had been, appearing to be thinking "I'm a bad girl, I don't get my bed anymore." The poor thing.
When I came back from the laundry room, but became very excited when I told her that this time she had been a good girl. I put down my pool towel in place of her bed for the time being and we played fetch with her bone. All seems to have been forgotten now, and to just to be safe, I moved the peanut butter knife to the bathroom trashcan.
I love my puppy :)
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
A Little Self Therapy
At least for, the most wonderful thing about counseling is discovering the answer to "why?" Not the "why did this happen to me?" but "why am I feeling this way", a question I continue to grow in my realization that I need to answer. It's so vital a question to ask to heal, and yet, how often do we really ask ourselves that. Which reminds me that one of my resolutions this year needs to be "be more open with people" The more open with people I am, the more I will have to talk through and think about my emotions, which at least in theory will make life easier.
I don't have another actual counseling appointment until my group starts in a few weeks, but I talked through a number of things with Tad last night. In talking with Steve it occured to me that out of this whole cruise mess, he's the only person in my family I haven't been upset with. Obviously most of it has been felt towards my mom: anger, hurt, confusion. I've been mad and hurt that my dad didn't object to it. And I've been resentful of Dave going and not me. But wait, that doesn't make sense.
Logically (ha! applying logic to feelings, how ridiculous) I should be resentful of Stephen. I've been on two cruises that Dave hasn't. He was in Iraq for one of them. That's a lot worse than taking a stats class. Stephen on the other hand, has been on every family vacation (minus the one to Norway that I got to go on when I was 10) So why am I not resentful of Stephen? Come to think of it, I can't be mad at Steve. There's nothing in our relationship (since outgrowing the beating each other up on long car rides stage) that causes me any feeling of blame or resentment towards him.
Tad suggested this was perhaps because of a hesitance to assign blame to a person with a disability. But I don't think that's it. I think this all relates back to my feelings about my relationship with my mom. I started having these emotions about my relationship with her in response to changes in our family life when Dave moved home. Thus the resentment. I feel like Dave is the cause of a lot (if not all) of the issues with my mom. A huge reason I was so upset about the cruise was I felt like it was proof of my mom choosing Dave over me.
That was the big thing of last night, realizing that, but where to go from here? #1 Let go of the resentment towards Dave. He hasn't done anything to me. That part isn't too difficult. Once i realized I was blaming him for something not under his control, it was a lot easier to let go of. The second thing is the reoccurring theme in all of this. Figure out how to communicate this with my mom.
Taking one day at a time, and remembering that no matter what, God is good.
I don't have another actual counseling appointment until my group starts in a few weeks, but I talked through a number of things with Tad last night. In talking with Steve it occured to me that out of this whole cruise mess, he's the only person in my family I haven't been upset with. Obviously most of it has been felt towards my mom: anger, hurt, confusion. I've been mad and hurt that my dad didn't object to it. And I've been resentful of Dave going and not me. But wait, that doesn't make sense.
Logically (ha! applying logic to feelings, how ridiculous) I should be resentful of Stephen. I've been on two cruises that Dave hasn't. He was in Iraq for one of them. That's a lot worse than taking a stats class. Stephen on the other hand, has been on every family vacation (minus the one to Norway that I got to go on when I was 10) So why am I not resentful of Stephen? Come to think of it, I can't be mad at Steve. There's nothing in our relationship (since outgrowing the beating each other up on long car rides stage) that causes me any feeling of blame or resentment towards him.
Tad suggested this was perhaps because of a hesitance to assign blame to a person with a disability. But I don't think that's it. I think this all relates back to my feelings about my relationship with my mom. I started having these emotions about my relationship with her in response to changes in our family life when Dave moved home. Thus the resentment. I feel like Dave is the cause of a lot (if not all) of the issues with my mom. A huge reason I was so upset about the cruise was I felt like it was proof of my mom choosing Dave over me.
That was the big thing of last night, realizing that, but where to go from here? #1 Let go of the resentment towards Dave. He hasn't done anything to me. That part isn't too difficult. Once i realized I was blaming him for something not under his control, it was a lot easier to let go of. The second thing is the reoccurring theme in all of this. Figure out how to communicate this with my mom.
Taking one day at a time, and remembering that no matter what, God is good.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
When TGIF-ing Becomes Necessary
I have decided I greatly enjoy using TGIF as a verb, it's fun :)
Yesterday marked the end of my first week of the interterm Statistics class I am taking, and I couldn't have been more ready for a weekend. It was quite apparent, as I spent the second half of my four hour class yesterday fighting the urge to space out, that I needed a break from numbers. God is good and gracious, and my class ended about an hour early, quite a blessing.
Needing some time for my brain to find a place to cram all of the new math related information, I did absolutely no homework yesterday, and it was glorious.
After class I ran some errands on campus. I checked my mail and was pleased that at least one of my community college transcripts had come. (I absolutely need the other to be in my mailbox Monday so I can send my admissions packet for the comm disorders department at SDSU) I checked up on a few things online and tidied up my room before going to the caf to meet Christine for lunch. It was great getting to catch up with her and not worry about time pressures. After lunch we went to the house in Fullerton she's living in, which I had yet to see.
It's a beautiful house, and a really great living situation. There are 3 other people renting rooms, but Christine has her own. The landscaping around the house is incredible. The man who owns the house with his wife is retired and does all the landscape stuff himself. I was very impressed. After having the tour of the house, Christine and I retreated to her room and watched One Night with the King. Amazing movie, I would highly recommend it. I love the story of Esther. It's definitely one of my favorite books of the Bible, and the movie was done in a very artistic way, yet still true to the story. I discovered in some reading tonight that the movie is based off a book (besides the one in the Bible, that is). I think I'd like to read the book.
By the time the movie was done it was time for us to return to campus. I did more little things around my room and then had "family dinner". A group of people in Hart are taking turns making dinner for everyone during interterm. You only have to make dinner once, and it's a great social time. Dinner was followed by a trip to Berry Cool with Krista, and upon my return to the dorm I happened in upon a Mary Kay party. I haven't been to one in quite a while, so it was fun getting to do a facial and hear about the new products.
And by the time that was done, I was ready for bed, without having to wake up at 7 to get ready for class :)
so, the probability of One Night with the King and Berry Cool and a Mary Kay party, relieving tension from 20 hours of math class in one week equals 100%
Yesterday marked the end of my first week of the interterm Statistics class I am taking, and I couldn't have been more ready for a weekend. It was quite apparent, as I spent the second half of my four hour class yesterday fighting the urge to space out, that I needed a break from numbers. God is good and gracious, and my class ended about an hour early, quite a blessing.
Needing some time for my brain to find a place to cram all of the new math related information, I did absolutely no homework yesterday, and it was glorious.
After class I ran some errands on campus. I checked my mail and was pleased that at least one of my community college transcripts had come. (I absolutely need the other to be in my mailbox Monday so I can send my admissions packet for the comm disorders department at SDSU) I checked up on a few things online and tidied up my room before going to the caf to meet Christine for lunch. It was great getting to catch up with her and not worry about time pressures. After lunch we went to the house in Fullerton she's living in, which I had yet to see.
It's a beautiful house, and a really great living situation. There are 3 other people renting rooms, but Christine has her own. The landscaping around the house is incredible. The man who owns the house with his wife is retired and does all the landscape stuff himself. I was very impressed. After having the tour of the house, Christine and I retreated to her room and watched One Night with the King. Amazing movie, I would highly recommend it. I love the story of Esther. It's definitely one of my favorite books of the Bible, and the movie was done in a very artistic way, yet still true to the story. I discovered in some reading tonight that the movie is based off a book (besides the one in the Bible, that is). I think I'd like to read the book.
By the time the movie was done it was time for us to return to campus. I did more little things around my room and then had "family dinner". A group of people in Hart are taking turns making dinner for everyone during interterm. You only have to make dinner once, and it's a great social time. Dinner was followed by a trip to Berry Cool with Krista, and upon my return to the dorm I happened in upon a Mary Kay party. I haven't been to one in quite a while, so it was fun getting to do a facial and hear about the new products.
And by the time that was done, I was ready for bed, without having to wake up at 7 to get ready for class :)
so, the probability of One Night with the King and Berry Cool and a Mary Kay party, relieving tension from 20 hours of math class in one week equals 100%
Friday, January 9, 2009
Singing Through Life
Kind of like dancing through life, except moving your vocal cords and articulators instead of the rest of your body. These three songs (in addition to a counseling session and a bunch of really great friends :)) have got me through the last 5 days. And I can thankfully say I'm in a much more content place right now. Am I happy that my family went on a cruise without me? No Am I ok with it? Moreso now than I have been over the last month. Will things continue to get better? Yes
The first song is one we sang in chapel on Tues, the second two are ones I heard on the radio. And no, I don't blame you if you don't feel like reading through 3 songs worth of lyrics, I skip them a lot in blogs.
The first song is one we sang in chapel on Tues, the second two are ones I heard on the radio. And no, I don't blame you if you don't feel like reading through 3 songs worth of lyrics, I skip them a lot in blogs.
Overwhelmed
- I am nothing, yet You bid me
- Come to You, o Lord Almighty
- As I come I'm overwhelmed with You.
- Humbly now I break the silence
- As I'm weeping in Your presence
- I'm so wretched, overwhelmed with You.
- Your blood of redemption
- Is covering my shame (echo)
- Your voice that shakes the heavens
- Is whispering my name (echo)
- As You catch my tears with Your nail-scarred hand
- I'm overwhelmed, I'm overwhelmed with You.
- I'm overwhelmed, I'm overwhelmed with You.
- I am nothing, yet You bid me
- Come to You, o Lord Almighty
Song of Hope
Robbie Seay Band
All things bright and beautiful You are
All things wise and wonderful You are
In my darkest night, You brighten up the skies
A song will rise
I will sing a song o
f hope
Sing along
God of heaven come down
Heaven come down
Just to know that You are near is enough
God of heaven come down, heaven come down
All things new
I can start again
Creator, God
Calling me Your friend
Sing praise, my soul
To the Maker of the skies
A song will rise
I will sing a song of hope
Sing along
God of heaven come down
Heaven come down
Just to know You and be loved is enough
God of heaven come down, heaven come down
Hallelujah, sing
Hallelujah, sing
Hallelujah, sing
Let Go
PFR
If there is only one God, why do we serve so many
If there is only one law, why do we live like there aren't any
I'm not trying to get you down. I just want you to know
That if you're gonna live for God, you've got to let go
Gotta let go of the little things, before they get you down
Gotta let go or they'll drag you to the bottom and hold you down
It's a war we all fight, and compromise is the battleground
But if you're ever gonna grow, you've got to let go
If there is only one truth, one original way
Why do we search like blind men
Can't see the sunshine in the light of day
We've got to turn around and run the other way
Cause if were gonna live for God,
We've got to turn away
Turn away from the little things
Before they get you down
Turn away or they'll drag us to the bottom
And hold us down
It's a war we all fight
And compromise is the battleground
But is we're ever gonna change
We've got to turn away
Robbie Seay Band
All things bright and beautiful You are
All things wise and wonderful You are
In my darkest night, You brighten up the skies
A song will rise
I will sing a song o
f hopeSing along
God of heaven come down
Heaven come down
Just to know that You are near is enough
God of heaven come down, heaven come down
All things new
I can start again
Creator, God
Calling me Your friend
Sing praise, my soul
To the Maker of the skies
A song will rise
I will sing a song of hope
Sing along
God of heaven come down
Heaven come down
Just to know You and be loved is enough
God of heaven come down, heaven come down
Hallelujah, sing
Hallelujah, sing
Hallelujah, sing
Let Go
PFR
If there is only one God, why do we serve so many
If there is only one law, why do we live like there aren't any
I'm not trying to get you down. I just want you to know
That if you're gonna live for God, you've got to let go
Gotta let go of the little things, before they get you down
Gotta let go or they'll drag you to the bottom and hold you down
It's a war we all fight, and compromise is the battleground
But if you're ever gonna grow, you've got to let go
If there is only one truth, one original way
Why do we search like blind men
Can't see the sunshine in the light of day
We've got to turn around and run the other way
Cause if were gonna live for God,
We've got to turn away
Turn away from the little things
Before they get you down
Turn away or they'll drag us to the bottom
And hold us down
It's a war we all fight
And compromise is the battleground
But is we're ever gonna change
We've got to turn away
God's in control of everything, trust in Him Lindsey
Monday, January 5, 2009
Frustrations
Passing frustrations make me think about all that's going on in my subconscious right now. The list of emotions I'm feeling keeps growing as things surface. I'm upset, as I have been for the last 2 months, that my family (parents and both brothers) is on cruise in the Caribbean without me.
I'm hurt that they felt fine taking a family vacation without me.
I'm hurt that they didn't tell me until after they had made the plans.
I feel left out of my own family.
I'm mad they didn't decide to wait to do something until the summer, when I could go and we could count it for my graduation.
I'm hurt that it doesn't seem like they even thought of that.
I'm confused as to why it was necessary to take a family vacation right....*now*
I'm hurt that they didn't think this would hurt me.
I'm jealous they're on a cruise to the Caribbean right now and I'm not.
I'm frustrated that I don't know how to communicate this to them, or even if I should, but don't know how to make all the feelings go away.
I don't want to be bitter about this the rest of my life. I want to feel like I actually belong in my family, but when things like this happen, that gets hard.
I'm hurt that they felt fine taking a family vacation without me.
I'm hurt that they didn't tell me until after they had made the plans.
I feel left out of my own family.
I'm mad they didn't decide to wait to do something until the summer, when I could go and we could count it for my graduation.
I'm hurt that it doesn't seem like they even thought of that.
I'm confused as to why it was necessary to take a family vacation right....*now*
I'm hurt that they didn't think this would hurt me.
I'm jealous they're on a cruise to the Caribbean right now and I'm not.
I'm frustrated that I don't know how to communicate this to them, or even if I should, but don't know how to make all the feelings go away.
I don't want to be bitter about this the rest of my life. I want to feel like I actually belong in my family, but when things like this happen, that gets hard.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
