Passing frustrations make me think about all that's going on in my subconscious right now. The list of emotions I'm feeling keeps growing as things surface. I'm upset, as I have been for the last 2 months, that my family (parents and both brothers) is on cruise in the Caribbean without me.
I'm hurt that they felt fine taking a family vacation without me.
I'm hurt that they didn't tell me until after they had made the plans.
I feel left out of my own family.
I'm mad they didn't decide to wait to do something until the summer, when I could go and we could count it for my graduation.
I'm hurt that it doesn't seem like they even thought of that.
I'm confused as to why it was necessary to take a family vacation right....*now*
I'm hurt that they didn't think this would hurt me.
I'm jealous they're on a cruise to the Caribbean right now and I'm not.
I'm frustrated that I don't know how to communicate this to them, or even if I should, but don't know how to make all the feelings go away.
I don't want to be bitter about this the rest of my life. I want to feel like I actually belong in my family, but when things like this happen, that gets hard.
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Oh my dearest Lindsey.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had answers for you, or a way to make it better. I am praying for you, that your struggles to learn to communicate with your family will be productive, and that you will find peace with them. You are so loved, by me and many others. And missed by me as well. I am sorry that you are hurting.