Never Pray for Patience

God will teach it to you, in more ways than you thought were even possible. I never even prayed for it and I feel like I'm being given more than enough practice. Set back after set back, God is still sovereign. But in our human brokenness, that doesn't make things easier.

I had an incredibly stressful and emotionally taxing day yesterday involving 3 different parents and 1 boyfriend. By the time I went to bed at 3:30 (yes am) after finishing my capstone presentation (which thankfully went fairly smoothly, and thus means I am DONE with that class) I felt like I had been run over by a semi truck.

Even amidst all of this, I know I was still being taken care of. I had a phone call from an encouraging and loving grandmother, a call from a sensitive, understanding, and reassuring father, and a trip to Cheesecake Factory with the girls (a belated birthday celebration for Amanda). Still, I'm dead tired today, and definitely still hurting.

Continued prayers for guidance and the ability to finish the semester despite drama are appreciated.

with my *amazing* tuxedo cheesecake

Not Meant To Be
Theory of a Deadman
*words adapted by me*

It's never enough to say I'm happy
It's never enough he says he cares
But I'm caught between what you
Want from me, and knowing
If I give that to ya
I might just disappear.

Nobody wins when everyone's losing

Oh, it's like

One step forward and two steps back
No matter what I do you're always mad
And I can't change your mind,

Oh, it's like

Trying to turn around on a one way street
I can't give you what you want
And it's killing me and I, I'm starting to see
You'll never think we're meant to be

It's never enough he says he loves me
No, it's never enough to say he tries
It's hard to believe that's there's
No compromise for you and me
And it seems to be,
The story of my life

Nobody wins when everyone's losing

It's like one step forward and two steps back
No matter what I do you're always mad
And I can't change your mind, oh

It's like trying to turn around on a
One way street. I can't give
You what you want and it's killing me
And I, I'm starting to see
You'll never think we're meant to be

There's still time to turn this around
Should you be building us up
Instead of tearing us down
But I keep thinking
Maybe there's no point.

It's like one step forward
And two steps back,
No matter what I do
You're always mad
And I, can't change your mind, oh

It's like tryin to turn around
On a one way street
I can't give you what you want
And it's killing me and I,
I finally see,
You'll never be happy with me.

It's like one step forward,
And two steps back,
No matter what I do
You're always mad,
And I, Mama I'm sorry to see,
You're just not happy with me.

March Midterms Bring April Colds

(lol, I started typing this Tues and never got around to finishing)

Every year, without fail, I get sick in April. Last year no surprise at all considering it was after tour. Putting 65 sleep deprived people together on one bus, for a week is asking for the plague to return. It's like I get almost through the school year, and then my body goes on strike.

This year's cold (which has been fairly mild, thankfully) is somewhat ironic as I started coming down with it a day or two after Tad came down with a cold. Normally you wouldn't be surprised if a couple got sick about the same time, unless they were 900 miles apart. Tad caught something from Jeana on Friday and I started getting a sore throat Saturday evening. Tad lost his voice Sunday, I almost lost mine Tuesday. Both of us have had fluctuating body temperatures. Somehow, from two states away, he got me sick.

The weekend was fun. On Friday our Heart 2 Heart contacts came and talked to us about all the schedule and practical things about the trip. I'm so excited. Here are a few points of interest:

-Good flight times: leaving at 3:30 pm Sunday, getting in to Bucharest around 4 pm Monday with a short layover in London, and then leaving 1 pm Thurs arriving in LA 7:30 pm Thurs with another short layover in London
-H2H owns an 8 bedroom 8 bathroom house where we'll be staying. They have internet, a computer, and a big backyard with a pool
-Woodwinds will be working with kids at a special needs orphanage north of Bucharest while the brass work with kids at an orphanage south of Bucharest
-Once we come back together we'll put on a carnival at each orphanage for Children's Day (June 1 in Romania)
-We'll get plenty of opportunities to hold babies in the baby hospitals
-There will be some sighting seeing/shopping time in Bucharest
-They encourage lots of picture taking, and will compile a cd out of everybody's pictures

Saturday my dad came up and we went out to dinner at BJ's and then to the Craig/Hitchens debate. I really enjoyed it. In my opinion Craig won, hands down. Hitchens had some good points, but he didn't really have any arguments as to why God doesn't exist. It was all just "Christians aren't any more moral than anybody else."

The week has gone by pretty quickly, since I've been so busy. I am very proud to say that yesterday I finished my capstone rough draft. YAY! haha It's 38 pages, which means I'll have a little more left to do on it, but I'm happy for now.

Now it's off to my last class before Easter break. I go home tomorrow morning, which gives me plenty of time tonight to do laundry, pack, and watch a movie. I certainly wouldn't mind finding a ride to a Maundy Thursday service either.

Grad School, Capstone, and Life

All I really need to say to explain everything in this post is senioritis. Oh man, I'm glad I never really got it in high school, because it is BAD. Right about Wednesday this week I started feeling completely and entirely apathetic about school. I had a Spanish paper due yesterday and my capstone pages due tonight (working on those while I type this) and I did no homework between Tuesday afternoon and yesterday afternoon. yeah...bad

I suppose grad schools are the biggest update right now. I got into Chapman, yay!!!! I did not get into San Francisco or San Jose. That leaves Fullerton and the final word from San Diego. I don't feel too bad about San Fran and San Jose; San Fran was my last choice, and San Jose said they had almost 300 applicants and were only able to accept 20. Once I receive my official letter from Chapman (they called to tell me I was accepted) I have two weeks to notify. If I don't get in to SD, and I haven't heard from Fullerton before the Chapman window closes, that's where I'll go. But I think Chapman is still after Fullerton because of cost.

In other news, capstone is chugging along, my current page count is 24, that leaves 16. Our rough draft is due sometime between next Wed and the Monday after Easter break. I would really like to have it done by Wed so I don't have to work on it over Easter, but we'll see.

Couple random fun things, well, I was home last weekend for my grandpa's birthday. I went Tuesday evening with Krista, Raeleen, Charlotte, Tia, and a few other girls to Cheesecake Factory just for fun. I got chocolate raspberry truffle, it was delicious. This morning we had another "No Make Up Wake Up" with our brother floor. The girls go to breakfast in their pjs (I didn't, I don't go outside in pajamas) and the guys are all dressed up and give us roses and serve us in the caf. It was a lot of fun.

And now it's back to finishing my chunk of capstone for the week...joyous

Not Such a Small World After All

My excitement for Missions Conference this year was reinstate Sunday at church. Keith Philips from World Impact spoke, and his message had a surprising effect on me. World Impact is an organization that ministers to urban communities. It was started in LA and includes a number of programs ranging from Bible clubs for kids and a Christian school for children from single and zero parent homes to a seminary for individuals from the urban communities to learn to be pastors in their community.

I think inner city ministry is wonderful and necessary, as much as missions anywhere else in the world, but I have never felt a calling to it. Thus I was surprised with how excited I became when Dr. Philips began talking about the schools they had started: schools that are probably very much in need of a speech therapist. And then God began bringing to my mind the vast number of places in the world that are in dire need of speech therapists.

This is still something being mulled over in the back of my mind, but I am now very excited to see where God leads me from here. I'm curious to see how Romania will come into play in my life. I am becoming very aware that I may find myself there again after the two weeks this summer. No rushing things though, God will show me when and where he wants me to go.

In other news, I had a wonderful weekend. I was very diligent about homework and was thus able to enjoy the times spent not doing homework. I went bowling on Saturday with Best Buddies and finished with a 117. This, if you know my bowling skills, is incredible, my average is generally around 57. Granted, it was with bumpers, but that's a small detail :)

After bowling I went out to dinner with my family and Christine's parents and several other friends of their's and afterward went to see Marriage of Figaro. It was quite enjoyable. I do think though, that Carmen is my favorite of the operas I have seen at Biola.

Classes are still going well, and I am still enjoying all of them. I had my first session today with my new client, and I adore him. I think this will be a really fun semester for me. I hope he enjoys it too. I am nearer to narrowing down exactly what my Capstone topic is. Right now it is practical measures for parents, teachers, and SLPs to encourage and promote emergent literacy skills in children. I want to run it by Matt to see what he thinks, but that's most likely going to be it. That being said, that's it for now :)

Staying Connected

I've never had a love/hate relationship with computers or the internet. I find them both very useful and convenient for life, and truth be told I'd be a little lost without them. One of my favorite things about the internet is the ability to stay connected with people anywhere in the world. (This is the excuse I use for being such a facebook addict). It is also for this reason that I love following people's blogs. This semester I'm following travel/study blogs for two friends: one in Uganda and one in New York City. It's absolutely amazing to me how I can switch between these two completely different worlds with a few clicks of a mouse.

Reading their travel accounts is also making me incredibly excited to keep my own travel accounts in Romania. Between this and hearing Pastor Borgie's stories from his most recent trip to India, I can't wait to go. I wish I could be going right now. I'm so incredibly excited to see what God has to show and teach me through what I will experience in the orphanages and baby hospitals. Missions Conference is going to be amazing for me this year. I'm so thankful we won't be on tour, I'd be sad to miss it.

Moving back to the present (something God's teaching me right now), I had a great first week of classes. There were several snags with getting my books (not the first time) but God is good, and everything has worked out now. I'm uberly excited for all of my classes, which is a little surprising. I knew I would be excited about Theo of Suffering and Disability, I've heard so many great things about the course, and clinic. But I wasn't quite sure about the others.

I was apprehensive about Spanish Lit since reading in Spanish is still a weak area, but I'm so fascinated with the history of Spain that I'm more excited than scared now. And I've known since the beginning that Neurogenics and Capstone are two of the hardest courses in my major. Granted, they'll definitely be a lot of work, but I feel like they're doable. I already want to start the researching process for my Capstone paper. It helps I suppose that I already had a topic in mind that I wanted to do (literacy and language development)

I completed my San Francisco grad school app and need to mail my San Jose one next week. I'm trying to get on top of scholarship applications and feeling a bit stretched commitment wise. Clarinet club hit the ground running with hosting a concert with the LA Clarinet Choir at the end of the month and doing a Romania fundraising performance sometime before March, as well as planning a Valentine's party. I'm also trying to coordinate when to have Winds women's Bible study. But things will fall into place.

We've had gorgeous weather the last few days. I was glad to be out and about with Amanda yesterday afternoon. We got lunch at Chick Fil A and then did errands at Target. I haven't gotten outside yet today except to take Valencia out, we should go for a walk. Yesterday was also Tad's and my 2 and 1/2 year anniversary. It really doesn't feel like it's been that long. Maybe by this time next year we won't be long distance anymore.

That's enough of my ramblings for one sitting I think. God bless :)