Starting Over

I've had an intense few weeks, and intend to write about it. However, it's finals week, so the song will have to suffice for now until I actually have the time to write properly.

Starting Over
Robbie Seay Band

Clouds are gathering
Closing in it seems
Why can’t I move?
You circle overhead
With Your love instead, beckoning

Now hope has found me
I am not alone
Now hope has found me
I am not disowned
And when I think it’s over
I am not alone
When you think it’s over
You can start it over

You, Your peace within my soul
Mercy You have shown
Though trials come
You, You’re calling me to climb
Up this mountain side
Here I go, here I go

You calling me back home
It’s Your voice I know, beckoning

Pursued

"By Your Side"
Tenth Avenue North

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

(Chorus 2x)

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

(Chorus 2x)

There's often a deeper layer to issues that only surfaces after you've removed the top layer. I realized last week I was holding onto this whole mess. I realized today that I'm angry at God about it.

Angry at the Almighty...not really a place I want to be.

But I'm tired of waiting and having my hopes crushed every time something doesn't work out the way I think ti will. I'm tired of hurting about this.

The bright side: God is completely leading me through this. I'm a step farther than I was a week ago. I've felt entirely lost, and I think I have been for the last few weeks. But God never ceases pursuing his lost sheep.

"I'll be by your side Wherever you fall...My hands are holding you"

Never Pray for Patience

God will teach it to you, in more ways than you thought were even possible. I never even prayed for it and I feel like I'm being given more than enough practice. Set back after set back, God is still sovereign. But in our human brokenness, that doesn't make things easier.

I had an incredibly stressful and emotionally taxing day yesterday involving 3 different parents and 1 boyfriend. By the time I went to bed at 3:30 (yes am) after finishing my capstone presentation (which thankfully went fairly smoothly, and thus means I am DONE with that class) I felt like I had been run over by a semi truck.

Even amidst all of this, I know I was still being taken care of. I had a phone call from an encouraging and loving grandmother, a call from a sensitive, understanding, and reassuring father, and a trip to Cheesecake Factory with the girls (a belated birthday celebration for Amanda). Still, I'm dead tired today, and definitely still hurting.

Continued prayers for guidance and the ability to finish the semester despite drama are appreciated.

with my *amazing* tuxedo cheesecake

Not Meant To Be
Theory of a Deadman
*words adapted by me*

It's never enough to say I'm happy
It's never enough he says he cares
But I'm caught between what you
Want from me, and knowing
If I give that to ya
I might just disappear.

Nobody wins when everyone's losing

Oh, it's like

One step forward and two steps back
No matter what I do you're always mad
And I can't change your mind,

Oh, it's like

Trying to turn around on a one way street
I can't give you what you want
And it's killing me and I, I'm starting to see
You'll never think we're meant to be

It's never enough he says he loves me
No, it's never enough to say he tries
It's hard to believe that's there's
No compromise for you and me
And it seems to be,
The story of my life

Nobody wins when everyone's losing

It's like one step forward and two steps back
No matter what I do you're always mad
And I can't change your mind, oh

It's like trying to turn around on a
One way street. I can't give
You what you want and it's killing me
And I, I'm starting to see
You'll never think we're meant to be

There's still time to turn this around
Should you be building us up
Instead of tearing us down
But I keep thinking
Maybe there's no point.

It's like one step forward
And two steps back,
No matter what I do
You're always mad
And I, can't change your mind, oh

It's like tryin to turn around
On a one way street
I can't give you what you want
And it's killing me and I,
I finally see,
You'll never be happy with me.

It's like one step forward,
And two steps back,
No matter what I do
You're always mad,
And I, Mama I'm sorry to see,
You're just not happy with me.

Love Story

Taylor Swift

We were both young when I first saw you
I close my eyes
And the flashback starts
I'm standing there
On a balcony in summer air

See the lights
See the party, the ball gowns
I see you make your way through the crowd
And say hello, little did I know

That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
And I was crying on the staircase
Begging you please don't go, and I said

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes

So I sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew
So close your eyes
Escape this town for a little while

'Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
But you were everything to me
I was begging you please don't go and I said

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes

Romeo save me, they try to tell me how to feel
This love is difficult, but it's real
Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess
It's a love story baby just say yes
Oh oh

I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you is fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town, and I said

Romeo save me I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head? I don't know what to think
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring

And said, marry me Juliet
You'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress
It's a love story baby just say yes

Oh, oh, oh, oh
'Cause we were both young when I first saw you

sigh

Singing Through Life

Kind of like dancing through life, except moving your vocal cords and articulators instead of the rest of your body. These three songs (in addition to a counseling session and a bunch of really great friends :)) have got me through the last 5 days. And I can thankfully say I'm in a much more content place right now. Am I happy that my family went on a cruise without me? No Am I ok with it? Moreso now than I have been over the last month. Will things continue to get better? Yes

The first song is one we sang in chapel on Tues, the second two are ones I heard on the radio. And no, I don't blame you if you don't feel like reading through 3 songs worth of lyrics, I skip them a lot in blogs.

Overwhelmed

I am nothing, yet You bid me

Come to You, o Lord Almighty

As I come I'm overwhelmed with You.

Humbly now I break the silence

As I'm weeping in Your presence

I'm so wretched, overwhelmed with You.

Your blood of redemption

Is covering my shame (echo)

Your voice that shakes the heavens

Is whispering my name (echo)

As You catch my tears with Your nail-scarred hand

I'm overwhelmed, I'm overwhelmed with You.

I'm overwhelmed, I'm overwhelmed with You.

I am nothing, yet You bid me

Come to You, o Lord Almighty

Song of Hope
Robbie Seay Band

All things bright and beautiful You are
All things wise and wonderful You are
In my darkest night, You brighten up the skies
A song will rise

I will sing a song of hope
Sing along
God of heaven come down
Heaven come down
Just to know that You are near is enough
God of heaven come down, heaven come down

All things new
I can start again
Creator, God
Calling me Your friend
Sing praise, my soul
To the Maker of the skies
A song will rise

I will sing a song of hope
Sing along
God of heaven come down
Heaven come down
Just to know You and be loved is enough
God of heaven come down, heaven come down

Hallelujah, sing
Hallelujah, sing
Hallelujah, sing

Let Go
PFR
If there is only one God, why do we serve so many
If there is only one law, why do we live like there aren't any
I'm not trying to get you down. I just want you to know
That if you're gonna live for God, you've got to let go

Gotta let go of the little things, before they get you down
Gotta let go or they'll drag you to the bottom and hold you down
It's a war we all fight, and compromise is the battleground
But if you're ever gonna grow, you've got to let go

If there is only one truth, one original way
Why do we search like blind men
Can't see the sunshine in the light of day
We've got to turn around and run the other way
Cause if were gonna live for God,
We've got to turn away

Turn away from the little things
Before they get you down
Turn away or they'll drag us to the bottom
And hold us down
It's a war we all fight
And compromise is the battleground
But is we're ever gonna change
We've got to turn away

God's in control of everything, trust in Him Lindsey