Growing Closer to God and Others

Saturday morning (bright and early at 8 am) was the first "team bonding" event for Romania. We met in the choir room and played some random silly games (one of which involved 3 of us and 2 guy discussing things in the girls' bathroom and Stephen Moulton pretending to be a toilet) and then broke up into small groups to practice sharing our testimonies. I hadn't done that since Agape Club in high school. Thus that was a very good thing to do. An amusing part, I didn't include anything about my vision in my testimony. It just wasn't something I thought of to include. Erin commented on that a little later and I went "oh....yeah, haha" I really do sometimes forget I'm blind.

After testimonies we went over to Metzger lawn to play a few more crazy games. Once everyone was out of breath, we sat in a circle and did the "take however much toilet paper you want" and then "now share that many things about yourself as you have squares" thing. Pretty entertaining and really interesting. Afterwards we shared brunch in the caf together.

Besides imense stress levels, nothing else much is new this week. I told my mom last week that I'm doing group therapy. That experience went well. I'm becoming more comfortable with things. In some ways I question if I really need the group, but it certainly can't hurt.

And with that, today is Ash Wednesday. Another Lenten season here. Typically for Lent I don't give up anything, but rather make an effort to do something extra for someone each day. This year however, I felt called to give up my main addiction: facebook. I was on until 11:40 last night, and I think it might be a long 40 days. But I look forward to spending all that extra time with God. And I'll end on that, God bless

The Happiest Place on Earth

Any week that involves a trip to Disneyland has got to be a good week. I love Disneyland, and have some amazing memories there, but this is now one of my favorite D-land trips ever, all thanks to the people I went with.

Best Buddies was able to get less than half price tickets as a special "community involvement" deal from Disneyland. I think this is kind of the same deal as "Happy Hearts Days" when I was little. (If you presented a doctor's letter that mentioned a disability, you could get discounted tickets, this usually was in February) I was worried that the day might be a little hectic thanks to my Spanish class at 1:30, nice and in the middle of the day, but I really feel like I got a good, full D-land day.

My favorite part of the day was watching and interating with the buddies. Their excitement and happiness at being at Disneyland was one of those contagious, warm fuzzy feelings inside, like when you watch babies smile and laugh or see kitties playing. A couple favorite Kathleen moments from the day: as we passed the Blue Bayou "Oh, that looks like such a nice evening atmosphere" and while waiting to go on Nemo she was entirely overjoyed to see a pink autopia car.

I also got to interact a lot more with some of the other buddies than I have at other events. Valerie is very outgoing and friendly with everyone. She's met Valencia before and made it a point on Thursday to keep an eye out to help me, knowing that I don't see well. Upon thanking her at one point she responded with a comment to the effect of "People have to look out for each other."

Michelle is Jessica's buddy, and I have talked with her at several of the last buddy events. She makes it a point to talk with everyone and is often quite persistent with questions. Later in the day when a few of the girls had to head back for class, Jessica went to transfer some things from their car to hers. In her absence Michelle adopted me as her buddy. We went on the Matterhorn and Alice in Wonderland together, and when she and Jessica were leaving she gave me a hug.

There's so much you can learn from the buddies about really loving people and finding joy in the little things in life. I feel so blessed to be able to get to know these people and feel so excited about continuing to work with people with disabilities. For me I don't know what could be more rewarding.

The end.

Valentine's or SAD?

For not having a boyfriend here to celebrate Valentine's Day with, I certainly have been busy this weekend.

Friday evening was the Clarinet/Winds Women's Bible Study party. Amanda had it at her house, and Becky, Jen, Justine, Krista, Amberly, Lisa, Jessica Geels, and myself went. It's always a lot of fun to have some time to just hang out and relax, especially in a home. We enjoyed a very yummy chocolate cake Amanda made as well as tea and icecream. We played a couple rounds of Apples to Apples, always a great party game. My favorite quote from that - Amanda: I don't have any dead people, Justine: I have plenty, I keep them all in your closet. LOL I <3 my friends

Lisa and Jessica left after Apples to Apples. The rest of us had rootbeer flaots and watched Sleepless in Seattle. SUCH a cute movie, oh my goodness, I love it

I also love our brother floor. They filled our hallway with red, white, and pink balloons at 4 am and gave us chocolate. Like my brother floor freshman year. Hallways full of balloons are amazing, I need to remember this when I want to do something random and fun for my kids someday. I did a bit of homework yesterday, and then went to the beginning of the Midori concert. I wish I could have stayed longer, I was only actually there for 2 Sonatas, lol

After the second sonata, Becky and I skidaddled our way back to Hart for the Huod/Hub PJ spa and dessert (SAD, get the title now?) party. That was so much fun, I love my dorm. We had brownies and icecream and oreos and all sorts of other kinds of goodies. There may or may not have been an impromptu dance party (including doing the electric slide to hip hop) We're not contract breakers!

Speaking of which...we then played a game in which we took turns asking each other awkward questions, such as "what's the most embarassing thing you've been caught borrowing" and "have you ever laughed so hard you peed yourself?" This was followed by everyone sharing who their first Biola crush was. I have actually only had one, which ended very abruptly when I met Tad (hehe) I was rather thankful no one in the room seemed to know who he was (the crush, not Tad)

We finished the evening by watching "Fireproof" I had vaguely heard of it when it was in theaters. I'm so glad I got to see it. It's kind of a low budget film, but it has a wonderful message. I did a good bit of crying though

I've held up very well for the weekend, having girl time plans makes not having a fancy date to look forward to a lot easier. I broke down a bit last night on the phone with Tad, this holiday makes me miss him a lot more than typical, but I see him in about a month, so it'll be fine. I love Valentine's Day, and I'll love it even more when I get to spend it with my love :)

I'm Diving In...

Taking on the same theme as last week's post...haha The Steven Curtis Chapman song came to mind when I was thinking about this post, so I figured I'd run with it...er, swim with it? :)

Group was amazing tonight. I have such a peace right now about life--a very nice change from last week's feeling of uncertainty. I didn't have the nerves until I got there. There was so much I wanted to talk about, but I still didn't want to take a lot of group focus. I was the first one to speak, and I basically did word/emotions vomit, as appetizing is that is, sorry. I shared about my frustrations with my communication with my mom, with how that affects my relationships, with how I wish I could change all of it.

The responses I got were wonderful. Reassurances that, my sharing just then wasn't a burden. That others feel the same way about their relationships with their parents. My heart broke from some of the things others shared tonight. A few said it was a relief that I was the first one to start us off. That was something to think about, my sharing *helped* people, not *hurt* Someone also suggested (through question) asking my mom to continue in the conversations with me, and that I may need to tell her when things are hurting me, because we are different, so she might not realize it.

I feel like already we're starting to bond as a group. I want to know more about the others. It's quite exciting because I barely know them, but I know what I can be praying about for them, which is great. I am so thankful God has brought me into this situation, I think He will bring a lot fo growth out of it for me.

Not Such a Small World After All

My excitement for Missions Conference this year was reinstate Sunday at church. Keith Philips from World Impact spoke, and his message had a surprising effect on me. World Impact is an organization that ministers to urban communities. It was started in LA and includes a number of programs ranging from Bible clubs for kids and a Christian school for children from single and zero parent homes to a seminary for individuals from the urban communities to learn to be pastors in their community.

I think inner city ministry is wonderful and necessary, as much as missions anywhere else in the world, but I have never felt a calling to it. Thus I was surprised with how excited I became when Dr. Philips began talking about the schools they had started: schools that are probably very much in need of a speech therapist. And then God began bringing to my mind the vast number of places in the world that are in dire need of speech therapists.

This is still something being mulled over in the back of my mind, but I am now very excited to see where God leads me from here. I'm curious to see how Romania will come into play in my life. I am becoming very aware that I may find myself there again after the two weeks this summer. No rushing things though, God will show me when and where he wants me to go.

In other news, I had a wonderful weekend. I was very diligent about homework and was thus able to enjoy the times spent not doing homework. I went bowling on Saturday with Best Buddies and finished with a 117. This, if you know my bowling skills, is incredible, my average is generally around 57. Granted, it was with bumpers, but that's a small detail :)

After bowling I went out to dinner with my family and Christine's parents and several other friends of their's and afterward went to see Marriage of Figaro. It was quite enjoyable. I do think though, that Carmen is my favorite of the operas I have seen at Biola.

Classes are still going well, and I am still enjoying all of them. I had my first session today with my new client, and I adore him. I think this will be a really fun semester for me. I hope he enjoys it too. I am nearer to narrowing down exactly what my Capstone topic is. Right now it is practical measures for parents, teachers, and SLPs to encourage and promote emergent literacy skills in children. I want to run it by Matt to see what he thinks, but that's most likely going to be it. That being said, that's it for now :)

Taking the Plunge

I started my group tonight. It was interesting, definitely different from what I expected. I expected it to be just like individual therapy, but with 5 other people. Definitely not the case. We still express things we're feeling, thinking about, working on, but it's mostly our own leadership of the group. That made it fairly awkward until one of the guys broke the ice and started talking.

I didn't end up saying much about myself, which I realized shouldn't be surprising. I started going to counseling because I don't open up to people. As we were beginning to come to a close, I started thinking about what I would do when I got back to my room. I knew at least a couple people would ask about group. My initial feeling was that I wouldn't want to talk about it. But I'm in this to improve, so I decided instead of being minimal in responses, I'd be excited and share things.

It was hard in a way, I wanted to talk about myself, the things I've been going through and working on. But there were five other people there. I didn't want to feel like I was hogging attention. I was torn between asking them lots of questions about what they were saying, and bringing up things about myself. Upon initial contemplation of the session, I thought maybe I ought to just stick to individual counseling. In individual, I'm the only one who's supposed to be talking, so I don't feel like I'm taking away from what others might need. But that's not a real life situation.

To put it in comm disorders terms, group therapy will be easier for me to generalize from. Perhaps next week if I initiate conversation, and topics are more related to what I'm working through, I will be more able to share about myself. When I got back I was able to share quite a bit of how things went with a few people. By the fourth and fifth person I could feel myself closing off though. I was going into the "I don't want to talk about this" mode that's really a facade for "I'm probably bothering this person with sharing all this." But I do feel myself improving, I still have a long way to go though.

My current goal is to just be able to tell my mom I'm going to therapy. The fear holding me back from doing that now is the can of worms it will most likely open. For now I'm excited to go back next week, although when Wednesday comes, I will probably be scared again.

Thank you Lord for being with me in this. I know I'm not alone

Staying Connected

I've never had a love/hate relationship with computers or the internet. I find them both very useful and convenient for life, and truth be told I'd be a little lost without them. One of my favorite things about the internet is the ability to stay connected with people anywhere in the world. (This is the excuse I use for being such a facebook addict). It is also for this reason that I love following people's blogs. This semester I'm following travel/study blogs for two friends: one in Uganda and one in New York City. It's absolutely amazing to me how I can switch between these two completely different worlds with a few clicks of a mouse.

Reading their travel accounts is also making me incredibly excited to keep my own travel accounts in Romania. Between this and hearing Pastor Borgie's stories from his most recent trip to India, I can't wait to go. I wish I could be going right now. I'm so incredibly excited to see what God has to show and teach me through what I will experience in the orphanages and baby hospitals. Missions Conference is going to be amazing for me this year. I'm so thankful we won't be on tour, I'd be sad to miss it.

Moving back to the present (something God's teaching me right now), I had a great first week of classes. There were several snags with getting my books (not the first time) but God is good, and everything has worked out now. I'm uberly excited for all of my classes, which is a little surprising. I knew I would be excited about Theo of Suffering and Disability, I've heard so many great things about the course, and clinic. But I wasn't quite sure about the others.

I was apprehensive about Spanish Lit since reading in Spanish is still a weak area, but I'm so fascinated with the history of Spain that I'm more excited than scared now. And I've known since the beginning that Neurogenics and Capstone are two of the hardest courses in my major. Granted, they'll definitely be a lot of work, but I feel like they're doable. I already want to start the researching process for my Capstone paper. It helps I suppose that I already had a topic in mind that I wanted to do (literacy and language development)

I completed my San Francisco grad school app and need to mail my San Jose one next week. I'm trying to get on top of scholarship applications and feeling a bit stretched commitment wise. Clarinet club hit the ground running with hosting a concert with the LA Clarinet Choir at the end of the month and doing a Romania fundraising performance sometime before March, as well as planning a Valentine's party. I'm also trying to coordinate when to have Winds women's Bible study. But things will fall into place.

We've had gorgeous weather the last few days. I was glad to be out and about with Amanda yesterday afternoon. We got lunch at Chick Fil A and then did errands at Target. I haven't gotten outside yet today except to take Valencia out, we should go for a walk. Yesterday was also Tad's and my 2 and 1/2 year anniversary. It really doesn't feel like it's been that long. Maybe by this time next year we won't be long distance anymore.

That's enough of my ramblings for one sitting I think. God bless :)