I have been aware for some time that the past year has held very few posts on spiritual or emotional growth. Though I created this blog to be my everything blog (thoughts, rants, funny stories, life events, etc) the emotional processing has decreased immensely. This postbreaks that streak, which I hope is a good sign of things to come.
Over the summer I have felt myself beginning to re-stablizie emotionally and spiritually. My prayer life has regained some of it's energy and I find myself in scripture more than I usually have over the last year. But things still aren't the same as they were during my Biola life, and I still miss Biola terribly. I decided that something that might help would be to watch the Biola chapels as they are posted on youtube. This will both help my Biola-sickness, and help feed me spiritually.
The two parts thus far on John 1 have been incredible. I particularly found things sticking with me during Dr. Klink's message, and after Fred Sander's chapel began a read through of the Gospel of John. But I don't have any profound thoughts on truth to share yet, which reminds me of the beginning of my Biola career. I couldn't blog at all for several months being so completely overwhelmed with everything. Perhaps my overwhelmedness (overwhelmment? *shrug*) is a sign of new start for me. The beginnings of new growth that I've longed for for months.
Please pray for me in this time. I am still in a sometimes precarious living situation, intermittent states of fear of being torn down emotionally, and in a secular environment almost everywhere. I know God can grow me anywhere, I just happen to find it more difficult to allow myself to grow here than in the safety bubble of Biola.
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Friday, September 3, 2010
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Behind Enemy Lines
Part 2 of the 6.5 page journal entry.
"This has been an emotionally crazy week. I think ti can be best summarized by something Ryan Low said in the senior prayer Sunday night, something Dr. Corey said Tuesday night, and something I said 4 years ago. Chronological order ready go. When Ryan was praying for us, he described us as 'lights planted behind enemy lines'. This really struck me. We are most certainly in a war, but not only that. We are fighting amongst the ranks of the enemy. And not quietly and sneakily. What do lights do? They shine.
Yes we are not to fear. We didn't just happen to wander across the battlefield and end up in enemy territory. God planted us there, and He has his hand of protection on us.
Fast forward to Tuesday night.
Dr. Corey described our path through life through the analogy of crossing state lines and being greeted by 'welcome to ___ ' signs. He said when they had moved out to CA, after they had passed the 'Welcome to California' sign, he looked at his son Anders who had tears running down his face. Anders said 'Dad, turn around, I want to go home.'
That's how Dr. Corey said we all are when faced with something new. One chapter closes, and we see the next "welcome to" sign and panic. We want to go back to the familiar, but that chapter is over. We can never go back. We can only move forward. But we never move alone, God is always with us.
And the third piece: wisdom from myself
The final thing came with the return of a letter I had written to myself as a freshman. The entire 3x5 notecard (in very sloppy handwriting) was covered in questions. 'Am I in band?' 'Do I have friends?' 'Are they lifelong friends?' I realized that how I have felt in the last couple weeks is exactly how I felt at the beginning of my Biola career: torn in so many different directions and anxious about what to expect.
Now to tie all this together
What I have been feeling is the dread of a new life chapter. I see the 'welcome to grad school' sign, and I want to run as fast as I can back to the 'welcome to Biola' sign. But I can't. And besides, I felt the same fear of the 'welcome to Biola' sign when it appeared on my horizon anyway.
God has been with me in my time at Biola, and I have no reason to believe things will be any different at SDSU. Christians aren't supposed to live permanently bubblized.
'Planted behind enemy lines'
It's time to leave the bubble.
I think that's why my trip to Romania comes at such a perfect time. I've benefited immensely being at Biola and grown so much. It's time to share that with the world, it's time to shine."
Romania journaling forthcoming.
"This has been an emotionally crazy week. I think ti can be best summarized by something Ryan Low said in the senior prayer Sunday night, something Dr. Corey said Tuesday night, and something I said 4 years ago. Chronological order ready go. When Ryan was praying for us, he described us as 'lights planted behind enemy lines'. This really struck me. We are most certainly in a war, but not only that. We are fighting amongst the ranks of the enemy. And not quietly and sneakily. What do lights do? They shine.
Yes we are not to fear. We didn't just happen to wander across the battlefield and end up in enemy territory. God planted us there, and He has his hand of protection on us.
Fast forward to Tuesday night.
Dr. Corey described our path through life through the analogy of crossing state lines and being greeted by 'welcome to ___ ' signs. He said when they had moved out to CA, after they had passed the 'Welcome to California' sign, he looked at his son Anders who had tears running down his face. Anders said 'Dad, turn around, I want to go home.'
That's how Dr. Corey said we all are when faced with something new. One chapter closes, and we see the next "welcome to" sign and panic. We want to go back to the familiar, but that chapter is over. We can never go back. We can only move forward. But we never move alone, God is always with us.
And the third piece: wisdom from myself
The final thing came with the return of a letter I had written to myself as a freshman. The entire 3x5 notecard (in very sloppy handwriting) was covered in questions. 'Am I in band?' 'Do I have friends?' 'Are they lifelong friends?' I realized that how I have felt in the last couple weeks is exactly how I felt at the beginning of my Biola career: torn in so many different directions and anxious about what to expect.
Now to tie all this together
What I have been feeling is the dread of a new life chapter. I see the 'welcome to grad school' sign, and I want to run as fast as I can back to the 'welcome to Biola' sign. But I can't. And besides, I felt the same fear of the 'welcome to Biola' sign when it appeared on my horizon anyway.
God has been with me in my time at Biola, and I have no reason to believe things will be any different at SDSU. Christians aren't supposed to live permanently bubblized.
'Planted behind enemy lines'
It's time to leave the bubble.
I think that's why my trip to Romania comes at such a perfect time. I've benefited immensely being at Biola and grown so much. It's time to share that with the world, it's time to shine."
Romania journaling forthcoming.
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