Survival in a Foreign Place

The second blog I've written during grad school with the word "Survive" in the title, hmmm, do we see a trend here? haha

This was going to be just a blog about what I've been up to lately, but there was some profound thinking that went on in church today. Thus this shall be a mixed blog entry. Let's begin with the thinking and end ith the recap.

Today's message at the Flood was about growing to know God when we're in a foreign place. A foreign place can be just about anything, things that are painful and things that are happy. Physically being in a new place, entering a new stage in life, mourning, anything that puts you somewhere you haven't been (physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, etc) before.

Immediately my brain began listing all the different ways I'm in a foreign place. New stage of life? Check: it's called grad school. New location? Check: condo in a part of San Diego I didn't grow up in. New environment? Check: surrounded by non Christians post high school (much more different than I thought while still at Biola New place financially? Check: I'm broke and living month to month.

You get the picutre, I'm in an almost completely foreign place right now.

This got me to thinking, it's not wonder I've been feeling so completely out of my element. The speaker this morning (we had a guest speaker, it wasn't the pastor) likened these "foreign places" to the Israelites wandering in the desert for 40 years. We aren't happy about them. We want to get straight from point A to point B, but God specifically puts us in those times to learn and grow closer to him.

All of this was comforting in a way. I've been feeling pretty lousy about my faith the last couple months, running around like a chicken with its head cut off makes making time for God even more challenging than it already is, and I've felt like I was starting to drift. But that's not necessarily it...I'm just wandering in the wilderness right now. I'm ok with that though, I know it means I'm supposed to be learning and growing, and I know God won't let me stay here forever.

Going back to the thought on being surrounded by non Christians, I had a sad realization about that. I definitely feel like I don't quite fit in my grad program. Not in terms of academics, I fit just fine in terms of the actual content of the program, but socially I don't. I don't drink (at least not more than a margarita every once in a while), I don't live or sleep with my boyfriend, I don't swear, for me "going out with the girls" is going to Cheesecake Factory...to get cheesecake, and my idea of a party is making cookies, eating lots of chocolate, and watching a chick flick, and if we're talking a CRAZY party there are also boys and a rootbeer keg.

I'm not the only Christian in the class. Out of 38 of us, there are at least 4 or 5 others, but the majority is definitely non Christian. Anyway, I realized, I'm *never* going to fit in, not with the girls in my class, not with future coworkers. Being a Christian sets us apart, lights are clearly going to stand out in the darkness. It saddens me to not be able to fully bond with a lot of the people around me. Thank goodness though for being connected at church and being surrounded by fellow believers there!

This concludes the "thoughts" portion of this blog, now on to what I've actually been up to.

The week after Halloween was awful in terms of workload, which made my second trip up to Biola this semester very refreshing. I rode up with Anja and James again and got dropped off at Krista's house. Becky met us and we went out for sushi followed by the most amazing Italian ice I've ever had.

Becky had a concert to go to that evening at Long Beach, so Krista and I watched hulu at her place until it was time to meet up with Charlotte for Boba. I don't like boba proper, but I love the teas, especially Thai milk tea. Yum! Once finished with our drinks we went back to Hart to hang out. I got to see Tia and Raeleen, and I hung out with Charlotte until Becky picked me up.

Saturday I had lunch at Chick Fil A with Amanda, who tag teamed with Krista and Diana. After they had eaten, the 3 of us went and wandered around Bed Bath & Beyond, smelling candles and finding interesting things like dog snuggies and marshmallow launchers. We spent a couple hours at the Biola library (me working on homework, Krista job searching) until it was time to meet Becky for dinner.

Krista had picked out Taps Fishhouse and Brewery for her birthday dinner. It was a very nice restaraunt, with quite good food. We shared a glass of white wine between the 3 of us and the complimentary baked Alaska they brought out for Krista. After dinner we spend over for the Symphonic Winds "Japan" fall concert, which was wonderful, as expected. And after that it was to the Fellers' house to feast on amazing Japanese food and yummy desserts.

Sunday morning I went with Becky and Jen to Redeemer (which was wonderful, as usual) and met Krista for lunch at Daphnes. Becky and I went to a fun "Viv la France" free orchestra concert, and then it was back to San Diego I came.

Last week wasn't so bad in terms of work (helped by the fact that we had Wednesday off) and I've had a very relaxing weekend. Last night I got to go out to In N Out and the last home football game with Raelene, Anja, and James. I hadn't seen Raelene for several weeks, so we definitely needed to catch up!

And that's my life right now...4 more days and I'll be with Tad again, and have a week off school. Life is pretty good right now :)

Behind Enemy Lines

Part 2 of the 6.5 page journal entry.

"This has been an emotionally crazy week. I think ti can be best summarized by something Ryan Low said in the senior prayer Sunday night, something Dr. Corey said Tuesday night, and something I said 4 years ago. Chronological order ready go. When Ryan was praying for us, he described us as 'lights planted behind enemy lines'. This really struck me. We are most certainly in a war, but not only that. We are fighting amongst the ranks of the enemy. And not quietly and sneakily. What do lights do? They shine.

Yes we are not to fear. We didn't just happen to wander across the battlefield and end up in enemy territory. God planted us there, and He has his hand of protection on us.

Fast forward to Tuesday night.

Dr. Corey described our path through life through the analogy of crossing state lines and being greeted by 'welcome to ___ ' signs. He said when they had moved out to CA, after they had passed the 'Welcome to California' sign, he looked at his son Anders who had tears running down his face. Anders said 'Dad, turn around, I want to go home.'

That's how Dr. Corey said we all are when faced with something new. One chapter closes, and we see the next "welcome to" sign and panic. We want to go back to the familiar, but that chapter is over. We can never go back. We can only move forward. But we never move alone, God is always with us.

And the third piece: wisdom from myself

The final thing came with the return of a letter I had written to myself as a freshman. The entire 3x5 notecard (in very sloppy handwriting) was covered in questions. 'Am I in band?' 'Do I have friends?' 'Are they lifelong friends?' I realized that how I have felt in the last couple weeks is exactly how I felt at the beginning of my Biola career: torn in so many different directions and anxious about what to expect.

Now to tie all this together

What I have been feeling is the dread of a new life chapter. I see the 'welcome to grad school' sign, and I want to run as fast as I can back to the 'welcome to Biola' sign. But I can't. And besides, I felt the same fear of the 'welcome to Biola' sign when it appeared on my horizon anyway.

God has been with me in my time at Biola, and I have no reason to believe things will be any different at SDSU. Christians aren't supposed to live permanently bubblized.

'Planted behind enemy lines'

It's time to leave the bubble.

I think that's why my trip to Romania comes at such a perfect time. I've benefited immensely being at Biola and grown so much. It's time to share that with the world, it's time to shine."

Romania journaling forthcoming.