100 days from today, I will have graduated with my master's degree, yay!!!! But that brings up an interesting question.
What now?
The original plan (upon entering grad school, and even before) was to work in the school district I went through. I could live near my parents and be in a good school district. perfect! Then I had my internship last semester at Sharp, which I loved. I got a bit confused then, but working in that program is not an option, there are no open positions. I figured then that the plan must still be the same.
Now I have started my school internship, and I don't love it. In fact, I far from love it. I have a supervisor who has done minimal teachin, heck minimal supervising, and I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing with most of the groups I'm working with. Not only that, I love the artic kids, and the preschoolers, and that's it. I have become very frustrated and discouraged there. No one likes feeling like they're not good at something, especially if it's what they had been planning on doing as a career.
Now I'm left wondering where God's path for me is leading. I wish I could just say "well there you go, I'll work at CREP". I hate the waiting game. I'll jus thave to wait and see where I'm meant to go. And hope that the current placement gets better, cuz I'm there for another 8 weeks.
Showing posts with label frustration. Show all posts
Showing posts with label frustration. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Escapades on Public Transit
I mentioned in my post about my internship that I'm taking quite a bit of public transit this semester for my internship. As such, I have begun collecting a number of interesting stories and experiences. I thought I'd share them here.
The first morning of my internship went smoothly. I had no trouble finding the right buses or bus stops, but I encountered some interesting people. My first surprise was when I got to the bus stop outside of my condo and discovered a homeless person sleeping on the bench. They were there the second morning as well, but I have not seen them since. I was also delightedly amused when, on the second bus, a high school kid boarded with the hugest afro I have ever seen in my life. He is a regular rider, and I get a little joy every time I see him, lol
A more frustrating day came the first Thursday of the semester. Thursday is the day I have both my internship *and* class. Thanks to the slowness of public transportation I have to leave my internship 45 minutes early to make it to class on time. I take the bus back to Fashion Valley and then catch the trolley from there. There are two bus lines that stop outside of Sharp, both of them go to Fashion Valley. One is a regular city bus, the other is a shorter bus/van thing. The 25 happened to come first, so I got on, and was greeted by another black lab. The other dog's handler was a lady in a wheelchair. Unfortunately for my schedule, she got off before fashion valley. It took quite a bit of extra time to get her AND her dog off the bus.
Even more time was lost when at the next stop a lady got on, who spoke basically no English, and refused to get off or pay, though her 3 bus passes were expired. 5 minutes of arguing later, she pulled out a current bus pass and we were on our way. I had definitely missed my trolley at that point, but did still manage to make it to class just in time.
Somewhat frustrating, and somewhat amusing to me, have been my attempts at meeting Tad at work. To do this, requires 3 bus routes. The first week I tried, I thought I could only take the 25 to transfer to the 41, and the 25 never came. After an hour and a half of waiting, Tad picked me up. I later discovered I could take either th 25 or the 120. So last week I tried again. I caught the 120, and told the driver I wanted to transfer to the 41. He told me which stop and said I needed to cross the street, which I had suspected. I got off, crossed the street, and caught the 41...in the wrong direction. Boo, so I stayed on the bus back to Fashion Valley, and looped around, but by that time Tad was off work. Thus for a second week in a row, I didn't mak it and he picked me up from UTC. However, next week I WILL make it!!! lol
Something fun about taking the same routes a the same times is I've met other people on their way to work. They're friendly now, and know Valencia by name :)
The first morning of my internship went smoothly. I had no trouble finding the right buses or bus stops, but I encountered some interesting people. My first surprise was when I got to the bus stop outside of my condo and discovered a homeless person sleeping on the bench. They were there the second morning as well, but I have not seen them since. I was also delightedly amused when, on the second bus, a high school kid boarded with the hugest afro I have ever seen in my life. He is a regular rider, and I get a little joy every time I see him, lol
A more frustrating day came the first Thursday of the semester. Thursday is the day I have both my internship *and* class. Thanks to the slowness of public transportation I have to leave my internship 45 minutes early to make it to class on time. I take the bus back to Fashion Valley and then catch the trolley from there. There are two bus lines that stop outside of Sharp, both of them go to Fashion Valley. One is a regular city bus, the other is a shorter bus/van thing. The 25 happened to come first, so I got on, and was greeted by another black lab. The other dog's handler was a lady in a wheelchair. Unfortunately for my schedule, she got off before fashion valley. It took quite a bit of extra time to get her AND her dog off the bus.
Even more time was lost when at the next stop a lady got on, who spoke basically no English, and refused to get off or pay, though her 3 bus passes were expired. 5 minutes of arguing later, she pulled out a current bus pass and we were on our way. I had definitely missed my trolley at that point, but did still manage to make it to class just in time.
Somewhat frustrating, and somewhat amusing to me, have been my attempts at meeting Tad at work. To do this, requires 3 bus routes. The first week I tried, I thought I could only take the 25 to transfer to the 41, and the 25 never came. After an hour and a half of waiting, Tad picked me up. I later discovered I could take either th 25 or the 120. So last week I tried again. I caught the 120, and told the driver I wanted to transfer to the 41. He told me which stop and said I needed to cross the street, which I had suspected. I got off, crossed the street, and caught the 41...in the wrong direction. Boo, so I stayed on the bus back to Fashion Valley, and looped around, but by that time Tad was off work. Thus for a second week in a row, I didn't mak it and he picked me up from UTC. However, next week I WILL make it!!! lol
Something fun about taking the same routes a the same times is I've met other people on their way to work. They're friendly now, and know Valencia by name :)
Friday, February 12, 2010
Prayers Appreciated
I'm having trouble with one of my roommates. She's been seeing a guy about a month and had a guy sleep over Wednesday night. I am completely not ok with this (which I thought was clear), but when I confronted her about it, she wasn't very receptive. My other roommate and I need to talk to her about it again and be more firm that she can either not have him over, or find other living arrangements.
I HATE conflict, so this is really hard on me. I would appreciate prayers of strength (emotionally and spiritually) for me and my roommate as we confront her and deal with this, and that her heart would be open to changing her behavior to respect our boundaries as roommates.
I HATE conflict, so this is really hard on me. I would appreciate prayers of strength (emotionally and spiritually) for me and my roommate as we confront her and deal with this, and that her heart would be open to changing her behavior to respect our boundaries as roommates.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Wrestling with God
The message at church yesterday morning was about Jacob wrestling with God, about how it took wrestling with God for Jacob to find what he was seeking and to be headed in the right direction.
Something I really like about The Flood's pastor is that all of his sermons come straight out of scripture AND are then related to things that would be going on in our lives.
Of course, I didn't even need examples to figure out what I've been wrestling with God about: my relationship with Tad.
After over three years, we are still long distance. This on its own kills me. Now add in all the failed attempts at having him move.
We both thought that when he graduated from NNU he would move down to southern California to be with me while I finished at Biola, and then we would go from there. Well, you know how the best laid plans of mice and men go...
He graduated, finished up a couple classes, and went home. When he visited me for my birthday, we found jobs in LA that he could apply for, and he sent in applications. Not only did none of those places ever call back, but in July he got into a massive fight with his family. He was forbidden to move and told to get a job in WA.
Ok, we thought, he'll work there til I'm done with Biola and then he'll have money to move and maybe his parents will be more open to moving. Over several months he applied to at least 20 different jobs.
Nothing
But, he did get his medical things worked out, and discovered a calling to youth ministry through volunteer coaching a middle school basketball team with his church.
That's when he began applying for the fall semester at Point Loma.
Great, I thought, his parents will be supportive of his pursuing more education to go into ministry, he'll be able to move by the end of the summer.
Again, best laid plans...
Things didn't work out like we hoped with Point Loma. They didn't accept him based on his GPA, which is lower due to all the medication changes he underwent in the last two years at NNU. And the deal with his parents was that he could move IF he got in. Remember that he still has no job.
He would like to move down in the next couple months anyway. Look for a job here in SoCal where the market is a bit better than it is in WA. But his parents still forbid it, and have threatened to report his car as stolen if he leaves.
All this is more than enough for me. But of course there's more. In the last month we've suddenly been averaging two fights a week, when before we only fought once every couple months. Tad has always asserted that fighting is healthy for a relationships; that it's better that we fight and resolve it easily than if we didn't fight at all. But that's a drastic change. It coincides with me starting my grad program, but I can't figure out why that would cause us to fight more.
So, back to the whole point of this entry.
I know I'm supposed to give this all to God. I know I need to.
But I don't know how.
Every time I try, I let go and grab back on again, or I think I'm letting go but have this thought in the back of my head "The second I let it go, Tad and I will be together."
Dear Lord, show me, because I just don't know how.
Something I really like about The Flood's pastor is that all of his sermons come straight out of scripture AND are then related to things that would be going on in our lives.
Of course, I didn't even need examples to figure out what I've been wrestling with God about: my relationship with Tad.
After over three years, we are still long distance. This on its own kills me. Now add in all the failed attempts at having him move.
We both thought that when he graduated from NNU he would move down to southern California to be with me while I finished at Biola, and then we would go from there. Well, you know how the best laid plans of mice and men go...
He graduated, finished up a couple classes, and went home. When he visited me for my birthday, we found jobs in LA that he could apply for, and he sent in applications. Not only did none of those places ever call back, but in July he got into a massive fight with his family. He was forbidden to move and told to get a job in WA.
Ok, we thought, he'll work there til I'm done with Biola and then he'll have money to move and maybe his parents will be more open to moving. Over several months he applied to at least 20 different jobs.
Nothing
But, he did get his medical things worked out, and discovered a calling to youth ministry through volunteer coaching a middle school basketball team with his church.
That's when he began applying for the fall semester at Point Loma.
Great, I thought, his parents will be supportive of his pursuing more education to go into ministry, he'll be able to move by the end of the summer.
Again, best laid plans...
Things didn't work out like we hoped with Point Loma. They didn't accept him based on his GPA, which is lower due to all the medication changes he underwent in the last two years at NNU. And the deal with his parents was that he could move IF he got in. Remember that he still has no job.
He would like to move down in the next couple months anyway. Look for a job here in SoCal where the market is a bit better than it is in WA. But his parents still forbid it, and have threatened to report his car as stolen if he leaves.
All this is more than enough for me. But of course there's more. In the last month we've suddenly been averaging two fights a week, when before we only fought once every couple months. Tad has always asserted that fighting is healthy for a relationships; that it's better that we fight and resolve it easily than if we didn't fight at all. But that's a drastic change. It coincides with me starting my grad program, but I can't figure out why that would cause us to fight more.
So, back to the whole point of this entry.
I know I'm supposed to give this all to God. I know I need to.
But I don't know how.
Every time I try, I let go and grab back on again, or I think I'm letting go but have this thought in the back of my head "The second I let it go, Tad and I will be together."
Dear Lord, show me, because I just don't know how.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Patience vs Reality
At what point does "waiting patiently" turn into "being too stubborn or stupid to let go"?
There are some things in life that would just drag on endlessly if we didn't put an end to them...how do we know what those things are?
Where's the magic point at which the pain of letting something go is less than it would be if things were left to drag on?
Please tell me there's some sort of equation for this
There are some things in life that would just drag on endlessly if we didn't put an end to them...how do we know what those things are?
Where's the magic point at which the pain of letting something go is less than it would be if things were left to drag on?
Please tell me there's some sort of equation for this
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Therapeutic Ranting
we'll see if it actually is therapeutic or not. in any case, it won't be anything particularly enjoyable to read
I'm so flipping frustrated right now. I'm mad, frustrated, discouraged, and tired. I have a presentation in Spanish in about an hour and a half, and my presentation sucks. I was all excited about my topic, which I had talked to the prof about, and then someone else wanted to do the same one. He suggested one of us do a different part of the book we were interested in. Wanting to be nice, I said I'd do the other part, only to find that there is NO INFORMATION on it, ANYWHER
I don't understand why a professor would suggest a topic that he SHOULD know there isn't information on. Where am I supposed to get this from, pull it out of a hat???? So thanks to lame-o presentation topic i have a lame-o presentation which I'm not excited about. I'm also not excited about anything else today, tomorrow, this week, or in life right now. I just don't care. I'm so done with homework. All I do anymore is homework, EVER
I want to crawl somewhere and not come out. But I can't, I have to go give a lame Spanish presentation.
Suckiness
I'm so flipping frustrated right now. I'm mad, frustrated, discouraged, and tired. I have a presentation in Spanish in about an hour and a half, and my presentation sucks. I was all excited about my topic, which I had talked to the prof about, and then someone else wanted to do the same one. He suggested one of us do a different part of the book we were interested in. Wanting to be nice, I said I'd do the other part, only to find that there is NO INFORMATION on it, ANYWHER
I don't understand why a professor would suggest a topic that he SHOULD know there isn't information on. Where am I supposed to get this from, pull it out of a hat???? So thanks to lame-o presentation topic i have a lame-o presentation which I'm not excited about. I'm also not excited about anything else today, tomorrow, this week, or in life right now. I just don't care. I'm so done with homework. All I do anymore is homework, EVER
I want to crawl somewhere and not come out. But I can't, I have to go give a lame Spanish presentation.
Suckiness
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