"By Your Side"
Tenth Avenue North
Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away
Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run
And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life
(Chorus 2x)
Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go
(Chorus 2x)
There's often a deeper layer to issues that only surfaces after you've removed the top layer. I realized last week I was holding onto this whole mess. I realized today that I'm angry at God about it.
Angry at the Almighty...not really a place I want to be.
But I'm tired of waiting and having my hopes crushed every time something doesn't work out the way I think ti will. I'm tired of hurting about this.
The bright side: God is completely leading me through this. I'm a step farther than I was a week ago. I've felt entirely lost, and I think I have been for the last few weeks. But God never ceases pursuing his lost sheep.
"I'll be by your side Wherever you fall...My hands are holding you"
Showing posts with label patience. Show all posts
Showing posts with label patience. Show all posts
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Patience vs Reality
At what point does "waiting patiently" turn into "being too stubborn or stupid to let go"?
There are some things in life that would just drag on endlessly if we didn't put an end to them...how do we know what those things are?
Where's the magic point at which the pain of letting something go is less than it would be if things were left to drag on?
Please tell me there's some sort of equation for this
There are some things in life that would just drag on endlessly if we didn't put an end to them...how do we know what those things are?
Where's the magic point at which the pain of letting something go is less than it would be if things were left to drag on?
Please tell me there's some sort of equation for this
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Words Can't Bring Me Down
It has been an interesting week. For starters my mom and I got to check out housing stuff down at State (SDSU) last Friday. One is a studio type apartment attached to someone's house, which a friend of a friend of my mom's has been renting. It's a very nice family and a nice apartment, but it's a little expensive. From the housing office on campus we got a list of nearby apartments, and I've been talking with a few other Biola girls who are or will be students at SDSU.
My favorite part of the day was getting to see my department's building and talk to people there. It's a brand new building as of last semester, which is great. I ended up getting to talk to my program director for a little bit and she told me about the program. It sounds like there are about 90 people total in the graduate speech pathology program, 40 in each class (they have about 30 people at a time who take 3 years because they had backgrounds in other areas). Apparently I'm going to be extremely busy the first year because it's mostly academic stuff along with 1 or 2 clients. I have two courses and two clients in the summer (one in June, one in July) between the 2 years. And they'll send out a whole lot more information in June. I also got to tour the clinic, and I'm really excited to get to work there.
Once Steve was done with classes, we came home and went to dinner to celebrate at Yen Chim Garden. Chinese food definitely holds a special place in my heart. Saturday I packed up my stuff and came back up to campus with my mom and a gil from my church who's thinking about transferring to Biola. We showed Brooke around campus and took pictures for my graduation announcements.
Then came the time to scramble to get homework done. Things were going along fine, until I had a suddenly very angry and upset boyfriend.
Once he had calmed down enough to have a coherent conversation, I found out why.
It started with the words "we need to talk" from his parents. They concerned (to put it nicely) about him finding a job. A fair concern since he's been out of school for not quite a year now. He has looked for a job on several occassions with no luck, but mostly we've been waiting until he could move down here to be closer to me. Mentioning that in this conversation was a bad idea. They don't approve of this idea. In fact, they apparently feel that I am one of many factors that are "destroying" his life. He is on a destructive path, and he must find a job by the end of next month or lose his phone, internet, and car.
Well, don't hold back, tell us how you really feel about me.
Now what? I'm not a fan of the idea of scorning parents and tearing apart families. But...what did I do? I just want to be able to have a normal relationship with my boyfriend. Getting a job there means he won't be moving for quite some time. Not getting a job there means I will lose all contact with him and possibly all hope of ever seeing him again. If he runs, that may open up a whole brand new can of worms.
The most surprising part in all of this to me; I haven't been despairing. I have felt myself turn and cling to God for support. I'm certainly worried, but I've been able to remain clear headed. I have no idea what's going to happen in all of this, but I'm sick of worrying about things I have no control over. God has a plan for me, for Tad, and for us, and I trust that His plan is good and for the best. Perhaps God's lessons this year about patience are finally starting to sink in.
I definitely welcome prayers for guidance and wisdom
My favorite part of the day was getting to see my department's building and talk to people there. It's a brand new building as of last semester, which is great. I ended up getting to talk to my program director for a little bit and she told me about the program. It sounds like there are about 90 people total in the graduate speech pathology program, 40 in each class (they have about 30 people at a time who take 3 years because they had backgrounds in other areas). Apparently I'm going to be extremely busy the first year because it's mostly academic stuff along with 1 or 2 clients. I have two courses and two clients in the summer (one in June, one in July) between the 2 years. And they'll send out a whole lot more information in June. I also got to tour the clinic, and I'm really excited to get to work there.
Once Steve was done with classes, we came home and went to dinner to celebrate at Yen Chim Garden. Chinese food definitely holds a special place in my heart. Saturday I packed up my stuff and came back up to campus with my mom and a gil from my church who's thinking about transferring to Biola. We showed Brooke around campus and took pictures for my graduation announcements.
Then came the time to scramble to get homework done. Things were going along fine, until I had a suddenly very angry and upset boyfriend.
Once he had calmed down enough to have a coherent conversation, I found out why.
It started with the words "we need to talk" from his parents. They concerned (to put it nicely) about him finding a job. A fair concern since he's been out of school for not quite a year now. He has looked for a job on several occassions with no luck, but mostly we've been waiting until he could move down here to be closer to me. Mentioning that in this conversation was a bad idea. They don't approve of this idea. In fact, they apparently feel that I am one of many factors that are "destroying" his life. He is on a destructive path, and he must find a job by the end of next month or lose his phone, internet, and car.
Well, don't hold back, tell us how you really feel about me.
Now what? I'm not a fan of the idea of scorning parents and tearing apart families. But...what did I do? I just want to be able to have a normal relationship with my boyfriend. Getting a job there means he won't be moving for quite some time. Not getting a job there means I will lose all contact with him and possibly all hope of ever seeing him again. If he runs, that may open up a whole brand new can of worms.
The most surprising part in all of this to me; I haven't been despairing. I have felt myself turn and cling to God for support. I'm certainly worried, but I've been able to remain clear headed. I have no idea what's going to happen in all of this, but I'm sick of worrying about things I have no control over. God has a plan for me, for Tad, and for us, and I trust that His plan is good and for the best. Perhaps God's lessons this year about patience are finally starting to sink in.
I definitely welcome prayers for guidance and wisdom
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Patience
A virtue that I struggle with, and one that God has been steadily working on in my life, especially in these past months. I struggle with being patient both with people, and with God. Today my patience in both was put to the test.
I have now had Valencia for almost 6 months (hard to believe!) Having a seeing eye dog brings a great deal of attention, which has its advantages and disadvantages. I have discovered that one of the most frustrating things to me is lack of knowledge concerning laws about service animals. I have now encountered resistance to Valencia's presence in a public business 3 times. Once at a Thai restaurant. Over this past weekend at DSW. And today when I went to get a pedicure.
In the first two occasions, I attempted to remain calm and polite, but became extremely frustrated extremely quickly. However, my family has an established relationship with the people at this salon, is that what you call it? The lady we go to for pedicures is a very sweet person who likes our family. In the previous situations, I was ready in a few seconds to just have them call the police and be told that they were wrong. But I really didn't want to give these people all that trouble. So, mustering every ounce of patience I could, I very carefully explained, several times that no, I was not going to leave Valencia outside, even though people are sometimes scared or allergic to dogs, because federal laws in this country say that Valencia is allowed anywhere the general public is.
In the end, after several consultations with the owner, it was conceded that yes, Valencia could wait patiently next to the spa chair during my pedicure. And I have been rewarded with very pretty toenails, and no unnecessary police encounters.
Patience test #2 arrived today when I came home and discovered on facebook that a friend from high school is now engaged. This is not a huge surprise, she and her now fiance have been together for over 2 years. But that darn petty little part in my brain says "You've been dating for 2 months longer than they have, you should be the one to be engaged first!" But the world doesn't work that way. God's timing is different in everyone's lives, but the one thing that remains the same is that His timing is perfect. It is not time for me to be engaged, not matter how much longer Tad and I have been together than another couple. I need to accept this and be happy for what God is doing in other's lives, and what He is doing right now in my life.
This second one is a major work in progress. I suspect it will be one God and I are working on in my life long after I get engaged. There's always something more to want. I need to learn contentment. Please pray for this in my life, it's something I should perhaps consider making a New Year's resolution. Also, any suggestions on books involving patience and such would be appreciated.
I have now had Valencia for almost 6 months (hard to believe!) Having a seeing eye dog brings a great deal of attention, which has its advantages and disadvantages. I have discovered that one of the most frustrating things to me is lack of knowledge concerning laws about service animals. I have now encountered resistance to Valencia's presence in a public business 3 times. Once at a Thai restaurant. Over this past weekend at DSW. And today when I went to get a pedicure.
In the first two occasions, I attempted to remain calm and polite, but became extremely frustrated extremely quickly. However, my family has an established relationship with the people at this salon, is that what you call it? The lady we go to for pedicures is a very sweet person who likes our family. In the previous situations, I was ready in a few seconds to just have them call the police and be told that they were wrong. But I really didn't want to give these people all that trouble. So, mustering every ounce of patience I could, I very carefully explained, several times that no, I was not going to leave Valencia outside, even though people are sometimes scared or allergic to dogs, because federal laws in this country say that Valencia is allowed anywhere the general public is.
In the end, after several consultations with the owner, it was conceded that yes, Valencia could wait patiently next to the spa chair during my pedicure. And I have been rewarded with very pretty toenails, and no unnecessary police encounters.
Patience test #2 arrived today when I came home and discovered on facebook that a friend from high school is now engaged. This is not a huge surprise, she and her now fiance have been together for over 2 years. But that darn petty little part in my brain says "You've been dating for 2 months longer than they have, you should be the one to be engaged first!" But the world doesn't work that way. God's timing is different in everyone's lives, but the one thing that remains the same is that His timing is perfect. It is not time for me to be engaged, not matter how much longer Tad and I have been together than another couple. I need to accept this and be happy for what God is doing in other's lives, and what He is doing right now in my life.
This second one is a major work in progress. I suspect it will be one God and I are working on in my life long after I get engaged. There's always something more to want. I need to learn contentment. Please pray for this in my life, it's something I should perhaps consider making a New Year's resolution. Also, any suggestions on books involving patience and such would be appreciated.
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