The Sermon on the Mount, but particularly Matthew 5:10-12, is my hope and my comfort right now.
"Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousnesfor theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you"
It's been a rough few days, but God is always with me, and I praise Him that more than any time before when faced with suffering, I am clinging to Him. All things have a purpose for God's bigger plan. Not all things are pleasant, some hurt us quite a bit, but the outcome is all for good.
I am blessed to have one roommate who shares in my convictions and stands with me on this. I am blessed to have a family who loves and supports me and comforts me when I find hard times. I am blessed to have a loving boyfriend who cares for me and does everything humanly possible to make me feel better when I feel hopeless.
We think we have come up with a compromise that will last us until our lease ends. After that, hopefully we can find someone else with similar values.
Showing posts with label struggles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label struggles. Show all posts
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Words Can't Bring Me Down
It has been an interesting week. For starters my mom and I got to check out housing stuff down at State (SDSU) last Friday. One is a studio type apartment attached to someone's house, which a friend of a friend of my mom's has been renting. It's a very nice family and a nice apartment, but it's a little expensive. From the housing office on campus we got a list of nearby apartments, and I've been talking with a few other Biola girls who are or will be students at SDSU.
My favorite part of the day was getting to see my department's building and talk to people there. It's a brand new building as of last semester, which is great. I ended up getting to talk to my program director for a little bit and she told me about the program. It sounds like there are about 90 people total in the graduate speech pathology program, 40 in each class (they have about 30 people at a time who take 3 years because they had backgrounds in other areas). Apparently I'm going to be extremely busy the first year because it's mostly academic stuff along with 1 or 2 clients. I have two courses and two clients in the summer (one in June, one in July) between the 2 years. And they'll send out a whole lot more information in June. I also got to tour the clinic, and I'm really excited to get to work there.
Once Steve was done with classes, we came home and went to dinner to celebrate at Yen Chim Garden. Chinese food definitely holds a special place in my heart. Saturday I packed up my stuff and came back up to campus with my mom and a gil from my church who's thinking about transferring to Biola. We showed Brooke around campus and took pictures for my graduation announcements.
Then came the time to scramble to get homework done. Things were going along fine, until I had a suddenly very angry and upset boyfriend.
Once he had calmed down enough to have a coherent conversation, I found out why.
It started with the words "we need to talk" from his parents. They concerned (to put it nicely) about him finding a job. A fair concern since he's been out of school for not quite a year now. He has looked for a job on several occassions with no luck, but mostly we've been waiting until he could move down here to be closer to me. Mentioning that in this conversation was a bad idea. They don't approve of this idea. In fact, they apparently feel that I am one of many factors that are "destroying" his life. He is on a destructive path, and he must find a job by the end of next month or lose his phone, internet, and car.
Well, don't hold back, tell us how you really feel about me.
Now what? I'm not a fan of the idea of scorning parents and tearing apart families. But...what did I do? I just want to be able to have a normal relationship with my boyfriend. Getting a job there means he won't be moving for quite some time. Not getting a job there means I will lose all contact with him and possibly all hope of ever seeing him again. If he runs, that may open up a whole brand new can of worms.
The most surprising part in all of this to me; I haven't been despairing. I have felt myself turn and cling to God for support. I'm certainly worried, but I've been able to remain clear headed. I have no idea what's going to happen in all of this, but I'm sick of worrying about things I have no control over. God has a plan for me, for Tad, and for us, and I trust that His plan is good and for the best. Perhaps God's lessons this year about patience are finally starting to sink in.
I definitely welcome prayers for guidance and wisdom
My favorite part of the day was getting to see my department's building and talk to people there. It's a brand new building as of last semester, which is great. I ended up getting to talk to my program director for a little bit and she told me about the program. It sounds like there are about 90 people total in the graduate speech pathology program, 40 in each class (they have about 30 people at a time who take 3 years because they had backgrounds in other areas). Apparently I'm going to be extremely busy the first year because it's mostly academic stuff along with 1 or 2 clients. I have two courses and two clients in the summer (one in June, one in July) between the 2 years. And they'll send out a whole lot more information in June. I also got to tour the clinic, and I'm really excited to get to work there.
Once Steve was done with classes, we came home and went to dinner to celebrate at Yen Chim Garden. Chinese food definitely holds a special place in my heart. Saturday I packed up my stuff and came back up to campus with my mom and a gil from my church who's thinking about transferring to Biola. We showed Brooke around campus and took pictures for my graduation announcements.
Then came the time to scramble to get homework done. Things were going along fine, until I had a suddenly very angry and upset boyfriend.
Once he had calmed down enough to have a coherent conversation, I found out why.
It started with the words "we need to talk" from his parents. They concerned (to put it nicely) about him finding a job. A fair concern since he's been out of school for not quite a year now. He has looked for a job on several occassions with no luck, but mostly we've been waiting until he could move down here to be closer to me. Mentioning that in this conversation was a bad idea. They don't approve of this idea. In fact, they apparently feel that I am one of many factors that are "destroying" his life. He is on a destructive path, and he must find a job by the end of next month or lose his phone, internet, and car.
Well, don't hold back, tell us how you really feel about me.
Now what? I'm not a fan of the idea of scorning parents and tearing apart families. But...what did I do? I just want to be able to have a normal relationship with my boyfriend. Getting a job there means he won't be moving for quite some time. Not getting a job there means I will lose all contact with him and possibly all hope of ever seeing him again. If he runs, that may open up a whole brand new can of worms.
The most surprising part in all of this to me; I haven't been despairing. I have felt myself turn and cling to God for support. I'm certainly worried, but I've been able to remain clear headed. I have no idea what's going to happen in all of this, but I'm sick of worrying about things I have no control over. God has a plan for me, for Tad, and for us, and I trust that His plan is good and for the best. Perhaps God's lessons this year about patience are finally starting to sink in.
I definitely welcome prayers for guidance and wisdom
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Normal
Over the last 3 days I have come to the conscious conclusion that I am normal. Of course, it has been forming in my subconscious for the last month, but only this week I am fully realizing how not messed up I am.
This is what group is so helpful for: coming to an understanding that I am not alone in anything I struggle with. A little bit of personality type reading has also helped to perpetuate this epiphany. I shared the Myers-Briggs test with a friend, who became very excited about it. She came up as an INFJ, which happens to be the same as Tad. I am an ISFJ. Anyway, she was sending me snippits of her personality profile, so I decided to look mine up again.
Well what should I find in my profile, but the following:
"One ISFJ trait that is easily misunderstood by those who haven't known them long is that they are often unable to either hide or articulate any distress they may be feeling. An adult ISFJ may drive a (later ashamed) friend or SO into a fit of temper over the ISFJ's unexplained moodiness, only afterwards to explain about a death in the family they 'didn't want to burden anyone with.'"
Is that not what I started going to counseling for? I read that and thought to myself "This is a part of my personality, it's *normal*" Now, is it good? No, it isn't healthy for anyone to keep things to themselves. But there are a TON of human tendencies that are unhealthy and need to be overcome. For right now it is enough, and an immense relief to realize that I'm no more messed up than anyone else on this planet.
This is what group is so helpful for: coming to an understanding that I am not alone in anything I struggle with. A little bit of personality type reading has also helped to perpetuate this epiphany. I shared the Myers-Briggs test with a friend, who became very excited about it. She came up as an INFJ, which happens to be the same as Tad. I am an ISFJ. Anyway, she was sending me snippits of her personality profile, so I decided to look mine up again.
Well what should I find in my profile, but the following:
"One ISFJ trait that is easily misunderstood by those who haven't known them long is that they are often unable to either hide or articulate any distress they may be feeling. An adult ISFJ may drive a (later ashamed) friend or SO into a fit of temper over the ISFJ's unexplained moodiness, only afterwards to explain about a death in the family they 'didn't want to burden anyone with.'"
Is that not what I started going to counseling for? I read that and thought to myself "This is a part of my personality, it's *normal*" Now, is it good? No, it isn't healthy for anyone to keep things to themselves. But there are a TON of human tendencies that are unhealthy and need to be overcome. For right now it is enough, and an immense relief to realize that I'm no more messed up than anyone else on this planet.
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