During the trip I bullet pointed the day's events in the "notes" section of my Heart2Heart handbook. Apparently I was so out of everything from all the traveling, I didn't even make note of the two days we spent traveling to get to Romania. There isn't a whole lot to tell anyway.
Sunday morning (the 24th) I got up, said goodbye to Hart Hall, and headed to the music building for rehearsal. Yes, we had rehearsal the day of an international flight. It was definitely needed though. The Fellers were nice enough to pick us up lunch from In N Out after. After lunch we loaded up the buses and made it with plenty of time to the airport.
Check in and security went by without a hitch and we had about half an hour to wait at our gate. Our flight from LA was to London and from there we flew to Bucharest. The flight was, well, long. About 10 hours of sitting in a teeny tiny little space, not ideal, but tolerable. British airways has those nice personal tv screens too. I, unfortunately, slept very little on the flight, not for lack of trying. In between nap attempts I ended up watching the last 4th or so of Bride Wars, and determined I didn't need to see the first 3/4.
By the time I did finally fall asleep, it was only for about an hour before they served us breakfast. Our layover in London is entirely a blur. We had about an hour and a half to get off the plane, go through passport control, go through security, take a tram to a different terminal, and find our gate. By the time we got there, they were already boarding. This flight was quite exciting for me because there were people speaking Romanian on it, and I managed to sleep a bit more.
We finally arrived in the Bucharest airport at about 4 pm Bucharest time (6 am California time) H2H staff met us and drove us back to the team house. It took great effort not to crash in our very comfy looking beds once we got there. They fed us dinner, chicken salad on croissants chips and drinks, and gave us some needed info about the house. From there we played card games, explored, and did everything we could to keep ourselves awake until at least 10 pm.
I managed to sleep pretty well. The only thing was around 4 or 5 am I started thinking it was time to get up, so I'd sleep, and then wake up every 5 minutes. Once I checked the time though I was ok.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Behind Enemy Lines
Part 2 of the 6.5 page journal entry.
"This has been an emotionally crazy week. I think ti can be best summarized by something Ryan Low said in the senior prayer Sunday night, something Dr. Corey said Tuesday night, and something I said 4 years ago. Chronological order ready go. When Ryan was praying for us, he described us as 'lights planted behind enemy lines'. This really struck me. We are most certainly in a war, but not only that. We are fighting amongst the ranks of the enemy. And not quietly and sneakily. What do lights do? They shine.
Yes we are not to fear. We didn't just happen to wander across the battlefield and end up in enemy territory. God planted us there, and He has his hand of protection on us.
Fast forward to Tuesday night.
Dr. Corey described our path through life through the analogy of crossing state lines and being greeted by 'welcome to ___ ' signs. He said when they had moved out to CA, after they had passed the 'Welcome to California' sign, he looked at his son Anders who had tears running down his face. Anders said 'Dad, turn around, I want to go home.'
That's how Dr. Corey said we all are when faced with something new. One chapter closes, and we see the next "welcome to" sign and panic. We want to go back to the familiar, but that chapter is over. We can never go back. We can only move forward. But we never move alone, God is always with us.
And the third piece: wisdom from myself
The final thing came with the return of a letter I had written to myself as a freshman. The entire 3x5 notecard (in very sloppy handwriting) was covered in questions. 'Am I in band?' 'Do I have friends?' 'Are they lifelong friends?' I realized that how I have felt in the last couple weeks is exactly how I felt at the beginning of my Biola career: torn in so many different directions and anxious about what to expect.
Now to tie all this together
What I have been feeling is the dread of a new life chapter. I see the 'welcome to grad school' sign, and I want to run as fast as I can back to the 'welcome to Biola' sign. But I can't. And besides, I felt the same fear of the 'welcome to Biola' sign when it appeared on my horizon anyway.
God has been with me in my time at Biola, and I have no reason to believe things will be any different at SDSU. Christians aren't supposed to live permanently bubblized.
'Planted behind enemy lines'
It's time to leave the bubble.
I think that's why my trip to Romania comes at such a perfect time. I've benefited immensely being at Biola and grown so much. It's time to share that with the world, it's time to shine."
Romania journaling forthcoming.
"This has been an emotionally crazy week. I think ti can be best summarized by something Ryan Low said in the senior prayer Sunday night, something Dr. Corey said Tuesday night, and something I said 4 years ago. Chronological order ready go. When Ryan was praying for us, he described us as 'lights planted behind enemy lines'. This really struck me. We are most certainly in a war, but not only that. We are fighting amongst the ranks of the enemy. And not quietly and sneakily. What do lights do? They shine.
Yes we are not to fear. We didn't just happen to wander across the battlefield and end up in enemy territory. God planted us there, and He has his hand of protection on us.
Fast forward to Tuesday night.
Dr. Corey described our path through life through the analogy of crossing state lines and being greeted by 'welcome to ___ ' signs. He said when they had moved out to CA, after they had passed the 'Welcome to California' sign, he looked at his son Anders who had tears running down his face. Anders said 'Dad, turn around, I want to go home.'
That's how Dr. Corey said we all are when faced with something new. One chapter closes, and we see the next "welcome to" sign and panic. We want to go back to the familiar, but that chapter is over. We can never go back. We can only move forward. But we never move alone, God is always with us.
And the third piece: wisdom from myself
The final thing came with the return of a letter I had written to myself as a freshman. The entire 3x5 notecard (in very sloppy handwriting) was covered in questions. 'Am I in band?' 'Do I have friends?' 'Are they lifelong friends?' I realized that how I have felt in the last couple weeks is exactly how I felt at the beginning of my Biola career: torn in so many different directions and anxious about what to expect.
Now to tie all this together
What I have been feeling is the dread of a new life chapter. I see the 'welcome to grad school' sign, and I want to run as fast as I can back to the 'welcome to Biola' sign. But I can't. And besides, I felt the same fear of the 'welcome to Biola' sign when it appeared on my horizon anyway.
God has been with me in my time at Biola, and I have no reason to believe things will be any different at SDSU. Christians aren't supposed to live permanently bubblized.
'Planted behind enemy lines'
It's time to leave the bubble.
I think that's why my trip to Romania comes at such a perfect time. I've benefited immensely being at Biola and grown so much. It's time to share that with the world, it's time to shine."
Romania journaling forthcoming.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Bye Bye Biola
Oh goodness, I created this entry about 3 weeks ago, better late than never though right?
I spent the entirety of finals week trying to blog, but time did not permit. I ended up journaling this by hand after my computer (and the rest of my stuff) had gone home after graduation. The first chunk is just the events, the second is thoughts and reflections. Because of length, I'm making them two separate posts. Here we go!
"I'm writing this from the inside of my wardrobe. Kind of random, but it's silly, so I like it.
I've been trying to blog since Sunday, but never found time. Honestly, maybe it's best I didn't. I've been all over the place: both excited and anticipating graduation and dreading the closing of this chapter of my life. Being my last week as a student here, however, I have not been lacking in fun events.
Last Thursday was the Comm Disorders dinner. Teri spoke about professional, personal, and spiritual advice she wanted to pass on, and Krista and I shared an amazing flan
Friday night was senior dinner. My parents and grandparents were able to come, which was great, especially since my grandparents weren't able to make it for graduation. Fred Sanders, professor of the year despite being on sabbatical, spoke, and it was a great final dinner on Metzger.
Saturday morning we put on a Clarinet Club End of the Year Recital with solo and ensemble performances as well as a few original compositions. That evening I went out to dinner with Ally and Sara to Pizza Z to catch up on life before we all scattered after graduation.
Sunday morning was my last service at Redeemer. I'm so thankful I found that church, even if it wasn't til the beginning of my final year. Teri had the girls from her classes this semester over for dessert in the evening. She had this amazing strawberry pie, chocolate cake, and coffee. We played Pass the Pigs and wii bowling. I pwned at wii bowling, I was pleased. It was nice getting to spend more time with her and get to know her husband Jacob a little. They're a great couple.
Upon returning to campus, I scurried down to our check out all hall. Hart has a tradition of praying over the seniors at the end after they share what their plans are for next year. Immediately after we went to study break.
I had my last final Tuesday afternoon. Tuesday evening was Baccalaureate. It was a beautiful service. Dr. Corey spoke about moving through chapters of life and how even though it can be hard, God always has us where he wants us. A number of seniors shared about how God had worked in their lives in their time at Biola. Then we walked from Calvary Chapel to the belltower through a path of luminaries as bagpipes played Amazing Grace. Under the belltower we took communion and sang Be Thou My VIsion. This was particularly meaningful because we began our Biola careers with a communion service under the belltower at the end of move in weekend with our families.
Wednesday I hung out one last time with Kathleen at Golden Spoon. We walked around Toys R Us, and I bought her the Star Wars action figure she picked out as an early birthday gift. That evening I got ready for Winds banquet with Becky, Jen, and Justine and rode out to Downtown Disney with Amberly, Erin, and Rachel T. Banquet was really fun as usual. I sat with Becky, Jen, Justine, Matt, and Mark. Mark kept us thoroughly entertained prior to dinner. One word: "fail!" The senior tribute was really nice, and much to my delight, even though I missed one semester of Winds, I received a Senior Service Award.
I came back with Becky, Jen, Dorothy, and Casey and Becky, Krista, Jen, and I watched Amazing Grace. Thursday afternoon I got to meet up with Emily Joynes at Commons to chat, and in the evening I went to a double composition recital for Kenny Lindsey and Dave Martina. Friday morning we sat through 1.5 hours of graduation rehearsal. Slightly ridiculous, but we got our Biola Alum license plate holders and Bye-ola tshirts. I had rehearsal and then played my (hopefully) last graduation ever.
The craziness began Saturday morning. Becky and I got up at 7 to get ready. We found her family and they fed me breakfast and took pictures. Soon after I found my own family and went to line up. I discovered that when they said it took 45 minutes to line everybody up, they really meant it took 45 minutes for everybody to show up.
The ceremony was nice, a bit long though due to the combination of hot sun and 606 graduates (only 26 more than my high school class). George Verwer gave a nice message, nothing too insanely memorable. I enjoyed it more than my high school graduation. High school was very focused on the past, while this was focused on the future. After the ceremony I made a quick stop by Calvary Chapel for a few band hugs and then made my way to McNally for the Comm Disorders reception. Raelene got to meet a lot of my Biola friends and my parents got to meet my professors.
The 6 of us had lunch at Woodranch Grill and I opened my cards and presents. That was some very good food. Mom and Raelene helped me pack up the car and then they and Valencia went home. It was really hard watching her go. We've never been apart for more than 6 hours at a time.
We had one final Hart BBQ for the people who were staying over Saturday night. I finished up my Romania packing and checked in. On my way back to Hart, I stopped by the fountain to just sit and think for a while."
Stayed tuned for the second half, and so much more :o)
I spent the entirety of finals week trying to blog, but time did not permit. I ended up journaling this by hand after my computer (and the rest of my stuff) had gone home after graduation. The first chunk is just the events, the second is thoughts and reflections. Because of length, I'm making them two separate posts. Here we go!
"I'm writing this from the inside of my wardrobe. Kind of random, but it's silly, so I like it.
I've been trying to blog since Sunday, but never found time. Honestly, maybe it's best I didn't. I've been all over the place: both excited and anticipating graduation and dreading the closing of this chapter of my life. Being my last week as a student here, however, I have not been lacking in fun events.
Last Thursday was the Comm Disorders dinner. Teri spoke about professional, personal, and spiritual advice she wanted to pass on, and Krista and I shared an amazing flan
Friday night was senior dinner. My parents and grandparents were able to come, which was great, especially since my grandparents weren't able to make it for graduation. Fred Sanders, professor of the year despite being on sabbatical, spoke, and it was a great final dinner on Metzger.
Saturday morning we put on a Clarinet Club End of the Year Recital with solo and ensemble performances as well as a few original compositions. That evening I went out to dinner with Ally and Sara to Pizza Z to catch up on life before we all scattered after graduation.
Sunday morning was my last service at Redeemer. I'm so thankful I found that church, even if it wasn't til the beginning of my final year. Teri had the girls from her classes this semester over for dessert in the evening. She had this amazing strawberry pie, chocolate cake, and coffee. We played Pass the Pigs and wii bowling. I pwned at wii bowling, I was pleased. It was nice getting to spend more time with her and get to know her husband Jacob a little. They're a great couple.
Upon returning to campus, I scurried down to our check out all hall. Hart has a tradition of praying over the seniors at the end after they share what their plans are for next year. Immediately after we went to study break.
I had my last final Tuesday afternoon. Tuesday evening was Baccalaureate. It was a beautiful service. Dr. Corey spoke about moving through chapters of life and how even though it can be hard, God always has us where he wants us. A number of seniors shared about how God had worked in their lives in their time at Biola. Then we walked from Calvary Chapel to the belltower through a path of luminaries as bagpipes played Amazing Grace. Under the belltower we took communion and sang Be Thou My VIsion. This was particularly meaningful because we began our Biola careers with a communion service under the belltower at the end of move in weekend with our families.
Wednesday I hung out one last time with Kathleen at Golden Spoon. We walked around Toys R Us, and I bought her the Star Wars action figure she picked out as an early birthday gift. That evening I got ready for Winds banquet with Becky, Jen, and Justine and rode out to Downtown Disney with Amberly, Erin, and Rachel T. Banquet was really fun as usual. I sat with Becky, Jen, Justine, Matt, and Mark. Mark kept us thoroughly entertained prior to dinner. One word: "fail!" The senior tribute was really nice, and much to my delight, even though I missed one semester of Winds, I received a Senior Service Award.
I came back with Becky, Jen, Dorothy, and Casey and Becky, Krista, Jen, and I watched Amazing Grace. Thursday afternoon I got to meet up with Emily Joynes at Commons to chat, and in the evening I went to a double composition recital for Kenny Lindsey and Dave Martina. Friday morning we sat through 1.5 hours of graduation rehearsal. Slightly ridiculous, but we got our Biola Alum license plate holders and Bye-ola tshirts. I had rehearsal and then played my (hopefully) last graduation ever.
The craziness began Saturday morning. Becky and I got up at 7 to get ready. We found her family and they fed me breakfast and took pictures. Soon after I found my own family and went to line up. I discovered that when they said it took 45 minutes to line everybody up, they really meant it took 45 minutes for everybody to show up.
The ceremony was nice, a bit long though due to the combination of hot sun and 606 graduates (only 26 more than my high school class). George Verwer gave a nice message, nothing too insanely memorable. I enjoyed it more than my high school graduation. High school was very focused on the past, while this was focused on the future. After the ceremony I made a quick stop by Calvary Chapel for a few band hugs and then made my way to McNally for the Comm Disorders reception. Raelene got to meet a lot of my Biola friends and my parents got to meet my professors.
The 6 of us had lunch at Woodranch Grill and I opened my cards and presents. That was some very good food. Mom and Raelene helped me pack up the car and then they and Valencia went home. It was really hard watching her go. We've never been apart for more than 6 hours at a time.
We had one final Hart BBQ for the people who were staying over Saturday night. I finished up my Romania packing and checked in. On my way back to Hart, I stopped by the fountain to just sit and think for a while."
Stayed tuned for the second half, and so much more :o)
Monday, June 8, 2009
General Thoughts on Romania
There is much more to come, all of my journaling that I did by hand I was there, but this is from an email I sent to the organization's director this morning.
I'm still not sure where to start when summarizing my trip. Lots of people have asked about it, but I still don't think I've talked for more than 5 minutes at a time about it. My family has gotten descriptions in doses - about playing with the kids, about the culture, the baby hospital. I think they're wanting to let me have some space while I'm still getting adjusted. It hasn't helped that we jumped right into apartment hunting for next year and I haven't had much down time.
It's surprising to me that most of what I feel I learned in Romania is directly related to things God was teaching me before the trip. I expected that all of that would have gone on pause and I would have learned something totally different, and related to the kids, rather than myself. This definitely confirms for me how true it is that missions trips change you more than they change the people you're ministering to. I guess this would explain why it feels so weird to be home now.
I really appreciate all the help you've given us with reflecting on the trip, I'm not sure I would have known how on my own.
I'm still not sure where to start when summarizing my trip. Lots of people have asked about it, but I still don't think I've talked for more than 5 minutes at a time about it. My family has gotten descriptions in doses - about playing with the kids, about the culture, the baby hospital. I think they're wanting to let me have some space while I'm still getting adjusted. It hasn't helped that we jumped right into apartment hunting for next year and I haven't had much down time.It's surprising to me that most of what I feel I learned in Romania is directly related to things God was teaching me before the trip. I expected that all of that would have gone on pause and I would have learned something totally different, and related to the kids, rather than myself. This definitely confirms for me how true it is that missions trips change you more than they change the people you're ministering to. I guess this would explain why it feels so weird to be home now.
I really appreciate all the help you've given us with reflecting on the trip, I'm not sure I would have known how on my own.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Closing Another Chapter
I am 11 days away from graduation...
This sentence brings excitement, sadness, relief, anticipation, fear, happiness, and a whole lot more emotions that I have to yet to pinpoint.
I am most certainly ready for the semester to be over, and I am very excited that my degree is almost complete. But I feel nowhere near ready to leave Biola.
Not that I don't feel prepared for grad school or the world, or real life..ok, so I don't feel prepared for real life yet, but the other two are fine. I just can't believe I'm leaving this community. The friendships I've made here are so much deeper than the majority of the ones I had in high school. A part of me is afraid that I'll fall out of touch with people like I did with almost everyone from high school. I have a feeling that won't be as much of a problem though. I have kept in pretty good touch with my Biola friends during the summers.
In any case, ready or not, here graduation comes. One week from today I will be done with my academic work. I had my last clinic session yesterday, definitely bittersweet.
For my personal enjoyment, here's what I have left for the semester.
Clinic
putting together my client's file
final eval with Tonya
Theo of Suffering and Disability
NOTHING!!! (finished yesterday morning =D)
Neurogenic Comm Disorders
Dysarthria case study (due by email tomorrow)
Spanish Lit
El Camino paper (due Thurs)
final (Tues at 1)
Capstone
NOTHING!!!! (I did my presentation and turned in my paper on the 1st)
attend class Friday
attend to finish research study for Matt next Friday
Symphonic Winds
student conductors Friday
graduation music Monday
BANQUET!!!! (next Wednesday)
graduate graduation next Friday
Romania rehearsal Sunday morning
ROMANIA!!!!! (May 24th - June 4th)
I also have a ton of fun senior/end of the year type activities interspursed with all that too
I can do this!
This sentence brings excitement, sadness, relief, anticipation, fear, happiness, and a whole lot more emotions that I have to yet to pinpoint.
I am most certainly ready for the semester to be over, and I am very excited that my degree is almost complete. But I feel nowhere near ready to leave Biola.
Not that I don't feel prepared for grad school or the world, or real life..ok, so I don't feel prepared for real life yet, but the other two are fine. I just can't believe I'm leaving this community. The friendships I've made here are so much deeper than the majority of the ones I had in high school. A part of me is afraid that I'll fall out of touch with people like I did with almost everyone from high school. I have a feeling that won't be as much of a problem though. I have kept in pretty good touch with my Biola friends during the summers.
In any case, ready or not, here graduation comes. One week from today I will be done with my academic work. I had my last clinic session yesterday, definitely bittersweet.
For my personal enjoyment, here's what I have left for the semester.
Clinic
putting together my client's file
final eval with Tonya
Theo of Suffering and Disability
NOTHING!!! (finished yesterday morning =D)
Neurogenic Comm Disorders
Dysarthria case study (due by email tomorrow)
Spanish Lit
El Camino paper (due Thurs)
final (Tues at 1)
Capstone
NOTHING!!!! (I did my presentation and turned in my paper on the 1st)
attend class Friday
attend to finish research study for Matt next Friday
Symphonic Winds
student conductors Friday
graduation music Monday
BANQUET!!!! (next Wednesday)
graduate graduation next Friday
Romania rehearsal Sunday morning
ROMANIA!!!!! (May 24th - June 4th)
I also have a ton of fun senior/end of the year type activities interspursed with all that too
I can do this!
Thursday, May 7, 2009
After the Storm
One week ago I was completely and entirely miserable. Thank goodness that is not the case tonight. I've been fighting with myself all week. Trying to deal with things, but not having the time to sit in the pain of all of it. It didn't help matters that in closing off the wound before it healed, I started pushing Tad away. I don't know where I would have been this week without him being so supportive. He really is amazing, supporting, accepting, and loving, even when I'm a complete emotional wreck.
I was able to start sorting things out in group last night. It was pointed out to me several times that I have been holding all the pain inside, pretending it isn't there. Later, while on the phone with Tad, I suddenly came to realize something he already knew, but I hadn't seen. I've been really, REALLY angry with my mom about this. not just in the last week, since at least Thanksgiving. That's why every time it's come up,I've exploded. Tad recommended I talk to my mom about it. So, with quite a lot of effort on my part, I brought it up again today.
We had a really good conversation. Nobody freaked out or yelled or got upset. She listened to what I had to say, and said she'd be willing to reconsider things. The downside is it looks for sure like Tad and I will be long distance for one more year, but I'm willing to wait.
In other news, I played my last Symphonic Winds concert on Saturday (not counting graduate graduation, Pomp & Circumstance doesn't count). It was a great concert, possibly my favorite of the 4 years. Becky did my hair really cute, curled with a bow like Shirley Temple. My parents brought me Berry Cool beforehand, and gave me flowers after. It's a beautiful bouquet, all different colors of gerber daisies, mums, and bright orange lilies.
Sunday was the disability event for theo of suffering and disability. We went to Redlands (which is rather far) to a Sunday School class designed for individuals with intellectual disabilities. It was a lot of fun. I can't get enough of working with people with disabilities, which makes it a good thing I'm majoring in a related field :o). Soon after getting back on campus from that I went with a bunch of people from the Romania team to a Romanian church service. The service was for the most part in Romanian, but some of the youth translated for us, pretty cool. I'm so stoked for the trip.
I think that's about it, other than some pretty fun times in the caf Tues for cinco de mayo, they had a lie mariachi band =D. Thanks everybody for the prayers, I really appreciate it :)
I was able to start sorting things out in group last night. It was pointed out to me several times that I have been holding all the pain inside, pretending it isn't there. Later, while on the phone with Tad, I suddenly came to realize something he already knew, but I hadn't seen. I've been really, REALLY angry with my mom about this. not just in the last week, since at least Thanksgiving. That's why every time it's come up,I've exploded. Tad recommended I talk to my mom about it. So, with quite a lot of effort on my part, I brought it up again today.
We had a really good conversation. Nobody freaked out or yelled or got upset. She listened to what I had to say, and said she'd be willing to reconsider things. The downside is it looks for sure like Tad and I will be long distance for one more year, but I'm willing to wait.
In other news, I played my last Symphonic Winds concert on Saturday (not counting graduate graduation, Pomp & Circumstance doesn't count). It was a great concert, possibly my favorite of the 4 years. Becky did my hair really cute, curled with a bow like Shirley Temple. My parents brought me Berry Cool beforehand, and gave me flowers after. It's a beautiful bouquet, all different colors of gerber daisies, mums, and bright orange lilies.
Sunday was the disability event for theo of suffering and disability. We went to Redlands (which is rather far) to a Sunday School class designed for individuals with intellectual disabilities. It was a lot of fun. I can't get enough of working with people with disabilities, which makes it a good thing I'm majoring in a related field :o). Soon after getting back on campus from that I went with a bunch of people from the Romania team to a Romanian church service. The service was for the most part in Romanian, but some of the youth translated for us, pretty cool. I'm so stoked for the trip.
I think that's about it, other than some pretty fun times in the caf Tues for cinco de mayo, they had a lie mariachi band =D. Thanks everybody for the prayers, I really appreciate it :)
Friday, May 1, 2009
Never Pray for Patience
God will teach it to you, in more ways than you thought were even possible. I never even prayed for it and I feel like I'm being given more than enough practice. Set back after set back, God is still sovereign. But in our human brokenness, that doesn't make things easier.
I had an incredibly stressful and emotionally taxing day yesterday involving 3 different parents and 1 boyfriend. By the time I went to bed at 3:30 (yes am) after finishing my capstone presentation (which thankfully went fairly smoothly, and thus means I am DONE with that class) I felt like I had been run over by a semi truck.
Even amidst all of this, I know I was still being taken care of. I had a phone call from an encouraging and loving grandmother, a call from a sensitive, understanding, and reassuring father, and a trip to Cheesecake Factory with the girls (a belated birthday celebration for Amanda). Still, I'm dead tired today, and definitely still hurting.
Continued prayers for guidance and the ability to finish the semester despite drama are appreciated.
with my *amazing* tuxedo cheesecake
Not Meant To Be
Theory of a Deadman
*words adapted by me*
It's never enough to say I'm happy
It's never enough he says he cares
But I'm caught between what you
Want from me, and knowing
If I give that to ya
I might just disappear.
Nobody wins when everyone's losing
Oh, it's like
One step forward and two steps back
No matter what I do you're always mad
And I can't change your mind,
Oh, it's like
Trying to turn around on a one way street
I can't give you what you want
And it's killing me and I, I'm starting to see
You'll never think we're meant to be
It's never enough he says he loves me
No, it's never enough to say he tries
It's hard to believe that's there's
No compromise for you and me
And it seems to be,
The story of my life
Nobody wins when everyone's losing
It's like one step forward and two steps back
No matter what I do you're always mad
And I can't change your mind, oh
It's like trying to turn around on a
One way street. I can't give
You what you want and it's killing me
And I, I'm starting to see
You'll never think we're meant to be
There's still time to turn this around
Should you be building us up
Instead of tearing us down
But I keep thinking
Maybe there's no point.
It's like one step forward
And two steps back,
No matter what I do
You're always mad
And I, can't change your mind, oh
It's like tryin to turn around
On a one way street
I can't give you what you want
And it's killing me and I,
I finally see,
You'll never be happy with me.
It's like one step forward,
And two steps back,
No matter what I do
You're always mad,
And I, Mama I'm sorry to see,
You're just not happy with me.
I had an incredibly stressful and emotionally taxing day yesterday involving 3 different parents and 1 boyfriend. By the time I went to bed at 3:30 (yes am) after finishing my capstone presentation (which thankfully went fairly smoothly, and thus means I am DONE with that class) I felt like I had been run over by a semi truck.
Even amidst all of this, I know I was still being taken care of. I had a phone call from an encouraging and loving grandmother, a call from a sensitive, understanding, and reassuring father, and a trip to Cheesecake Factory with the girls (a belated birthday celebration for Amanda). Still, I'm dead tired today, and definitely still hurting.
Continued prayers for guidance and the ability to finish the semester despite drama are appreciated.
with my *amazing* tuxedo cheesecakeNot Meant To Be
Theory of a Deadman
*words adapted by me*
It's never enough to say I'm happy
It's never enough he says he cares
But I'm caught between what you
Want from me, and knowing
If I give that to ya
I might just disappear.
Nobody wins when everyone's losing
Oh, it's like
One step forward and two steps back
No matter what I do you're always mad
And I can't change your mind,
Oh, it's like
Trying to turn around on a one way street
I can't give you what you want
And it's killing me and I, I'm starting to see
You'll never think we're meant to be
It's never enough he says he loves me
No, it's never enough to say he tries
It's hard to believe that's there's
No compromise for you and me
And it seems to be,
The story of my life
Nobody wins when everyone's losing
It's like one step forward and two steps back
No matter what I do you're always mad
And I can't change your mind, oh
It's like trying to turn around on a
One way street. I can't give
You what you want and it's killing me
And I, I'm starting to see
You'll never think we're meant to be
There's still time to turn this around
Should you be building us up
Instead of tearing us down
But I keep thinking
Maybe there's no point.
It's like one step forward
And two steps back,
No matter what I do
You're always mad
And I, can't change your mind, oh
It's like tryin to turn around
On a one way street
I can't give you what you want
And it's killing me and I,
I finally see,
You'll never be happy with me.
It's like one step forward,
And two steps back,
No matter what I do
You're always mad,
And I, Mama I'm sorry to see,
You're just not happy with me.
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